The Only One
by hannily
Summary: "I loved her. No, I love her. I love her so much that ever part in my body wants to break down. But I can't break down, now that I know. I know that, I'm not the only one" Hanna's a wreck. She knows that her girlfriend, Emily, is cheating on her. She leaves for 2 years, and now she's back. What going to spark now? (Mainly Hannily)
1. I'm Not The Only One

**1/17/15: **Edited.**

**Hanna's Pov**

She's running late for our date again. It's been like this ever since Alison came back from a year of her disappearance. She explains me that swimming has took most of her time. If that was really true, why did your mom tell me you were with Alison again, when I came by to drop off a rose in your bed, so you can come home with a smile?

I start to rub my arms to give myself warmth as I sat outside waiting for her at the restaurant's best table. Getting this table wasn't cheap. My phone text tone beeps and I had just received a text from her. "I can't make it tonight, sorry baby." The words stung me. _I had been waiting here for an hour._

A big huff of air escaped my mouth of disappointment. All I could think of is the same thing over and over again. _She's probably with her again. She'll never love me the way she loved her. She's with her again. _I open the car door and slammed it shut as hot tears started streaming down from my collarbone to my jaw. My hands furiously wiped them away.

When I got home, I didn't even step out of the door. Instead, I sat there staring at the reflection in the mirror. The makeup I spent so much time working on was smudged. My hands grip onto the steering wheel as I look down and see this dress I had on. This beautiful black dress with a flower design, was just another outfit I put on with hopes up that she would actually show up.

Hesitating to open the door and get up and out my car, I take another deep breath. My left foot comes out and steps on the floor first, and then so on. With every step I took to my door, I started to feel those damn hot tears running down my face again.

She had always made me feel so whole and she made me a better person, but now staring at another reflection in the mirror in my bathroom, I feel so lost. _I look so wrecked. _Maybe tomorrow or our next date, things would be different and she'll notice that I'm hurting.

Who am I kidding? She doesn't love me anymore.

A few more seconds pass and I just walk inside my room, letting the pain take over me. Tears kept coming down my eyes like it was rain, but this time I let it be. This time, I didn't take my sleeve from my jacket and wipe the tears away.

I just curl my hand into a fist.

* * *

The next day, I decided to stay home from school. Usually when I decide to do that she would text me during her class to see how I was doing. She would go off campus during lunch to see me and she would come over at night telling me how much she loved me with 'Baby' at the end.

However, that has changed. It's almost midnight and she hasn't showed up.

I love her so much. She's the best thing that had ever happened to me. I never felt so whole before I was with her. That's why it hurts me so much- there's a knock at the door that interrupted my thoughts. Another knock..

The door opens slowly, so I close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep. There's footsteps. They come closer _and closer_. Then I feel the weight of someone on my bed. Their hand rests on top mine. I open my eyes slowly and see _her_.

Suddenly the hurtful feeling in me went away. All the over thinking and her being with someone else while she's with me, seemed like all a crazy thought. Being without her scares me. I instantly sat up and wrapped my arms around her. I close my eyes tightly and feel safe again as her arms hug me back. "I love you. I love you so much, Emily Fields," I said.

How can she do that? Does she control my feelings so much that without her I feel insecure and scared but then with her, I feel on top of the world?

"I love you too, baby," She said. There's something different. I know there is. I just feel.. I don't know. It sounded hesitant. She said baby so differently and it makes me feel.. It's makes me feel like I'm not the only one she calls that.

Her arms were wrapped around me for the whole night. It was the best feeling in the world, until I woke up and didn't see her beside me.

* * *

At school, she'd always walk me to class. Now, she would volunteer if Ali needs help going anywhere. During lunch, I finally had her alone. I asked her if she still had feelings for her. She hesitates, but she tells me no. She tells me that she was already with someone special. Me. All I did was give her a small forced smile. She presses her lips against mine, but only for half a second before the bell rings.

After school, I went over Spencer's house for homework. I couldn't focus at all, because she was still in my head_. She hesitated. _She lied. I know it. Spencer gets up to use to the bathroom and during the mean time, I just walk around her room.

Her window had a view of Ali's house. I move the curtain out of the way, and I see Emily. She's in Alison's room and she's moving closer to Alison. They are talking before she presses her lips against Alison's neck for the longest.

My knees shake and go weak and my jaw drops. My eyes are widen and my heart beats fast. I started to feel tears coming down my face.

Spencer walks back in and asks what was wrong. I ignored her and grabbed my things, before I headed out the door and left.

* * *

One shot.

Two shots.

Three shots.

How much more until I can drown?

I came to school drunk. She got angry at me because she hates when I drink. Only if she knew what I knew. She takes me by the arm and we walk to my car. She takes my car keys out of my bag, opens the door for me and lightly sets me in. She closes the door and I rest my head against the window. She sits in the drivers seat and asks me 'why' several times. Why I'm drunk. Why I'm doing this to myself.

_Emily. You're the reason why._

I stay quiet.

* * *

My eyes open and I look at the time. 10:38am. I overslept because I was drinking again. I hardly made effort to get out the door because, what's the point of me rushing myself to school? It doesn't matter to me anymore. Nothing matters to me anymore.

I walk in class and each step I take, the more my head throbs more and more. I look around. No one's in here, but Spencer and her. They both furrow their eyebrows at me. They ask me why I'm late. They ask me why I'm drinking. My eyes find hers. She's looking back at me, but I see through her. I walk away from both of them, ignoring their questions.

I want to go home. I hate it here.

I feel someone grab my arm. I turn around and tug my arm away. There's a confused expression on her face. "Have you lost your mind?" The words shot out of her mouth like it was venom. Only if you knew what I knew.

I keep walking away from her.

It's like she's calling me crazy, but every time I look at her now, every time she calls me baby, I know. I know I'm not the only one.

* * *

Two days passed by and we haven't spoke ever since that moment we had when she yelled at me. _I want to be better. _I came to her house, unexpectedly. Making my way up to her room has never made me feel so nervous before.

I'm mostly here because I want to talk things out with Emily. I want to continue our relationship if the truth be told. I always thought in my head that, opening closed doors which you aren't invited into, can lead to so many things.

My hand is on the knob. I gulp. _Now or never_. I twist the door knob and found her and Alison. Together. Lips locked. They both jump and turn to face me.

_Again_. I feel the pain _again_, but this time it feels worse.

My hand flies to my mouth. I want to scream. I want to say something, but nothing comes out because if the throbbing pain in my neck.

I storm out her room. Then I get out the front door of her house. She chases behind me. _"Hanna!" _She calls for my name. She said she can explain, but what was there to explain? I get my car and drive away as far as possible.

I loved her. No, I _love _her. I love her so much that every part in my body wants to break down. But I can't break down, now that I know. I know that, I'm not the only one.

I'm not the only one she was with.

And it kills me.

* * *

**I always saw things like this was Alison came back to the show. I felt like I had to write this. Write Hanna's pain. Hope you liked this one shot. If you want this to be continued, say so in a review.**

**Song inspiration; I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith. It's a really good song and you guys should check it out.**


	2. After

It's time. Step after step, I make my way into the airport. It's has been two years now ever since I caught Emily cheating on me with Alison.

_I'm not the only one._

_I press hard in the gas and speed my way home. I run out if my car, because the slower I am, the more I want to fall. Fall; and just break down in one spot, and never get back up. The pain travels everywhere in my body and everything is crumbling down._

_I need to get out of here. I don't want to be here._

_I take a suitcase luggage and throw it on top of my bed. I open my drawer, rapidly, throwing all my clothes into it. As I shove everything in it together, my head throbs more and more._

_Is this how it feels? To just be so madly in love, that you'd ignore bad signs? And then one day get your heart stomped? Is this how it feels?_

_A shout comes on out my mouth. Curses after curses. Pain after pain._

_Breathe. Hanna. Breathe._

_I feel myself calm. I look around, my rooms a mess. The drawer is half open, the luggage couldn't close, and my whole life is a mess. She was my life._

My mom wasn't so happy about the plan of me leaving, but a beg after beg, she said yes. I been staying with my grandmother in Oklahoma. I told myself, that when I was ready, I'd come back. I finished high school here, meeting some great people along the way. But the collage plans were always set at home, so I didn't go to collage just yet. I changed most of my image. I threw out most of the 'girlyness' in me that made me Alison 2.0. I dyed streaks of my hair black, and I started having a more 'rocker' look, but at least I was happy knowing that I'm not a person that I used to be. Or was that really me?

It's summer time right now. Before I left, I received dozens after dozens of phone calls and text messages from Emily. It's been two years, and I haven't spoken to her since that night.

"Hanna!" I see my mom. She looks like she's going to tackle me. I have open arms and she runs into them. She's hugging me so tight.

"Mom- Please-" I say, getting out of breath. This woman is going to kill me at the airport.

"I missed you so much, sweetie" She smiles.

"I missed you too, mom" I smile back. Time to go home. Am I ready?

Going back in my room brings back too many memories. The good and the bad. "Did you call your friends, yet Han? I bet Spencer and Aria would be glad to hear that you're here!" My mom said with a joyful tone as she walks into my room.

"Uh, I haven't called anyone" I say, awkwardly.

"Call. Two years without your best friends? Emily would probably like to see you too?" She suggested. She never knew the real reason why I wanted to leave. All she knows is that I wanted to go to leave and live with my grandma, because I wanted to make sure I was there for grandma's old years just in case. She also believes that Emily and I broke up because of the long distance.

"Maybe" I said

She leaves my room and I look down my phone. Should I call? At least call Spencer or Aria? Maybe I should surprise them? Usually on the first day of summer, Aria and Spencer would go to the Grille together at 7. Hopefully things hadn't changed.

* * *

I look from the window first. Yup, things haven't changed much. Spencer still looks like a dork and Aria still wore her "fork" earrings. Before I walk inside, I take a deep breath. I walk in, and as I walk towards behind them, I feel myself smiling. They are the best, and I haven't seen them in so long. This feeling is great. It feels like home.

"Geese quack" I said from behind them.

"Actually geese honk-" Spencer was saying before she turned around. Her and Aria's mouths drop.

"You're-"

"I'm back" I cut Aria off. Spencer stands up first and pulls me in for a hug. Aria stands up, _wow she's still small_, and wraps her arms around me for a tight hug.

After they were done examining me, they sit back down and frown.

"What? You guys were happy, literally a second ago" I said

"You never said goodbye." Spencer crosses her arms.

"Shut up and be happy that I'm here. I'll explain later" I smile.

Aria puts a smile back on and Spencer gives a laugh. I hear footsteps coming from my right. Spencer stops laughing and looks to the right, and Aria doing the same. I turn to the right. My smile fades away.

Emily.

She looks at me from head to toe. "You're back.." She softly said

"Hi" I put up a weak smile. Suddenly my heart beats faster and faster. She looks different. She looks way more beautiful then she was. Her hair was longer and the less makeup she wore, shows her true beauty-. I can't be thinking this. Not after that night. _Let it go, Hanna. _I try to tell myself

Awkward silence.

"Well, I should go home. See you guys later" I wave goodbye as I start walking off. I push the door open and walk to my car. I unlock the car door and drive straight home.

After two years, she still has an effect on me.

* * *

There's a knock on my door. I look at the time, it's 10am. Usually my mom leaves out the door at this time. Maybe she let someone in? I open my room door and see her. Standing right in front of me.

"Can I come in?" She said

I step aside and let her in. She walks inside and I close the door. "What are you doing here?" I ask

"I'm sorry, Hanna. I just .. You never called or sent a text back, and I just felt like I should say it in person-"

"Emily. It's been two years," I cut her off. "I'm fine now, it's okay" lies.

"Okay, fine," she said, "But listen about that night-"

"I don't want to hear it, Emily," I cut her off. She looks at me with a sad look on her face, "The past is in the past, okay?" I softly say.

Her head drops slowly, "Yea.. Yea okay"

"Em, I just really hope we can start over and just be friends, like we used to be" I said. But now to think of it, is that even the truth? Is that even what I want? Just looking at us now, reminds me of the time of our first kiss. It was right here. We were just two shy people, finding a affection and didn't stop it.

_"Hey.." She slowly says as she walks inside my room. I look at her head to toe. She wore her blue/black varsity jacket with her light blue denim jeans. She looks, maybe, timid. Just looking at her in front of me, makes my heart race._

_"What are you going here?" I ask. It was 11:30pm._

_"Han, do you like me?" She breathes out. I look at her with my eyes widen. How did she know?!_

_"N- No.." I quickly say with a stutter. She gazes at me and then her eyes look down to my lips. She puts on a sly smile._

_"You stuttered," She said. She knows when I lie. Damn, stuttering._

_"No, I didn't" I lied._

_"Yes you did," She said as she takes a step closer to me._

_"No.." I softly said as her face is so close to mine. I feel her hot breath as I forget how to breathe._

_"Liar" She said. Before I could say anything, she presses her lips against mine. My eyes open widely. I see nothing but her head, and that's when it hit me. She's kissing me right now. I slowly close my eyes and kiss back. Her lips taste like cherries. I wrap my arms around her neck and I feel her deepen the kiss. We pull away shortly for air._

_We stare at each other in a way we never looked at each other before. She bites down her bottom lip and smiles at me._

"Yea, we can just be friends. If that's what you want" She said.

Then she left.

Leaving nothing but memories, as we stood right here, in this exact spot.

* * *

My mom left a list on the table of food and other things, with a note saying, 'I have work, can you pick up the groceries for me? Love you, -mom'. I place the note down and sigh. I don't even want to go out. People made mattresses for a reason.

I get inside my car and drive off to the food market.

I get a shopping cart and roam around the store to find the things on the list of groceries I had to pick up. I stare at the snacks on my left as I walk with my cart, not looking ahead of me.

Oreos sounds good right now. I reach out for a pack, and then out of nowhere I hit something with my cart. "Sorry" Was the first thing I said. I look up and see the familiar face. "Caleb?" I smile. It's been so long since I seen him. The last time I talked to him was when I broke up with him, when I realized that my mind was set on someone else.

_"Caleb.." I slowly say, with tears falling from my eyes. I drove all the way to his house, without thinking. But I have to do this._

_"Hanna? What's wrong?" He said as he let me inside. I sit down on his couch he sits beside me, with his arm over my shoulder for comfort._

_"I'm sorry, Caleb" I said._

_"What? Sorry for what?" He asks, very worried_

_"I.. I think I might be.." I slowly fade. I look into his eyes and I have to say it. I have to say it out loud for me to maybe believe it, "I'm gay"_

But thinking about it now, maybe I was never gay. I only been with one person of the same sex, which was Emily. Thinking about all this, made me realize that I hurt him. A lot. If the feeling of seeing Emily cheating on me was a fatal pain, how did Caleb feel when I broke up with him?

"You're back!" He said as he walks to me and gives me a friendly hug. "I thought you were gone forever" He laughs

Hearing his laugh again, gives me a happy feeling inside. "Well, I'm back" I said

He looks at me with eyes full of happiness. "Do you want to get a cup of coffee later?" He asks

My lips curve into a smile. "Yea. I would love too"

* * *

**Emily's Pov**

Seeing Hanna for the first time in years, suddenly gave me some type of energy. The type of energy to find something that was lost. Love. But she wants to stay as friends, which I can't do. After everything kiss, moment, and pain that I gave her? We can't be friends. I want her back.

"Hey, invite Hanna!" Aria said to Spencer. Right now we were all having a sleep over at Spencer's. We always have these, but since Hanna left, things weren't the same. Spencer and Aria knows what I did, because I told them while Hanna left. They were confused on why she had left.

_"Hanna went to live with her grandmother in Oklahoma" Ms. Marin's words stabbed me like a knife._

_"Okay, thank you, Ms. Marin" I said. I turn around and head towards to Spencer's car. _

_"Is she home?" Aria asks from the car window. _

_I get inside the car in the back seat and said nothing. "Em?" Spencer turns around and looks at me, worried. _

_"She left" My voice cracks_

_"Left?" Aria asks_

_"She's gone" I said, "She's with her Nana in Oklahoma."_

_"Why? Without saying goodbye?" Spencer said, confused_

_"Do you know why she left Em?" Aria asks. All these questions are irritating._

_"She left because I cheated on her with Alison!" I snap._

_Their jaws dropped. Aria was stunned but Spencer was angry. _

_"What?!" Spencer said_

_"Spence-"_

_"No, Emily. She loved you so much, how could you do that to her?" She cuts me off. The anger in me rises. I open the car door and slammed it shut. "I'll just walk home." I roll my eyes. _

_"Emily, get back-" I hear Aria but her voice fades away as Spencer drives off._

Ever since then, things weren't the same. They managed to forgive me, but I know there's somewhere in Spencer that still looks at me differently.

"Yea, I'll call her" Spencer smiles as she has her phone on her ear. "Han, do you want to sleep over, like old times?.. Okay, great! See you soon" And with that she hangs up. Spencer walks into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee.

Aria looks over to me and asks, "How are you?"

"I'm fine." Nope. Nope I'm not.

"Liar." She said, then rests her hand on my shoulder, "Things will go back to normal, I swear" She gives a warm smile and I pace my hand on top of hers and nod.

* * *

It's 9:06pm and there's a knock on the door. Spencer opens it and smiles big. It was Hanna. They give each other a big hug and there's something I haven't seen in Hanna in a long time

Happiness. Something is up with her. She was 5x happier then seeing Spencer and Aria at the Grille. So what is up with her?

"Someone looks ecstatic" Spencer said behind Hanna. Hanna jumps on the couch and lays there.

"I'm just happy, what's wrong with that?" Hanna said as she kinks her eyebrows. _Shit. I know that look_. I stared down at my cup of coffee pretending not to listen at the kitchen counter.

"I know that look!" Aria shouts. I look up at them and wait for the answer. Spencer and Aria look at her and their faces look like there was a light bulb lit on top of their heads.

_"What are you smiling about, Han?" Spencer asks. I look into Spencer's fridge and eavesdrop. This is the night where we were going to tell Spencer and Aria that Hanna and I are together._

_"I can't be happy?" Hanna jokes as she kinks her eyebrows. Spencer and Aria give each other a confused look. "Okay don't freak out.." Hanna slowly says as I walk into the living room and gaze at Hanna. She smiles at me. _

_"You guys are.." Spencer's eyes widen_

_"I knew it! Spence, you owe me!" Aria shouts _

_"What?" Hanna and I say in unison. _

"I just ran into Caleb that's all" She softly said, looking down at her hands. Caleb?! My jaw clenches as I try my best not to look up and pretend to be doing something on my phone.

"And.." Spencer said, waiting for Hanna to say more.

"And we just had coffee, that's it" She laughs

Just hearing her laugh and be happy again, makes me happy for her. Though the thing that hurts is that someone else is making her happy instead of me. And I lost that position in her life, a long time ago.

* * *

**Long chap! Thanks for all the reviews! It means a lot. The first part to this story was just the beginning. A lot will be explained soon**

**And there's a bunch coming your way. Like Alison and Emison. Plus, I changed the story title, to 'The Only One' since it's a story now. There's going to be flashback that show how things were and now. I really really hope you guys like it. Follow for the next chapter and review!**


	3. Our First Promise

**Hanna's Pov**

I slept peacefully on Spencer's bed. I make my way downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee. To my surprise, Emily was already up, making breakfast. "Good morning," I said, giving a weak wave.

"Hi" She said as she gives me a plate of eggs and bacon.

"You cooked?" I ask. I take a seat down on the stool on Spencer's kitchen counter.

"Yeah, I was up early anyways" She said as she gives me a fork with a smile. I take fork and smile back. Is this awkward? I can't tell honestly, it's a mixed feeling. There's a huge feeling in me that is really looking forward to being friends with Emily again. Then again, there is that feeling where I want now part of her because she caused my heart to ache for too long.

_Let it go, Hanna. She hurt you years ago. _I tell myself.

"So how was your life in Oklahoma?" She asks

"It was okay. Drama-free.. They have really good food and coffee restaurants around" I said.

"Ah, but there's no place that will ever replace the Brew" She said. Now thinking of the Brew, there's a certain memory that made my face heat up lightly.

* * *

_I practically kicked down the door to get inside the Brew. I haven't seen Emily all day, which means I haven't kissed her all day. _

_And there she is, picking up the cups and placing them into the dish-thing. I walk up to her, but her boss, Zack was around.. "Hey, Em, I kinda need your help," I said,"There's something in the restroom that kinda bothers me" Lie! I just want to make out with her._

_"Okay?" She said awkwardly, but smiles. I lead her to the restroom and kick each stall door open to make sure no one was in here. A wider grin came across my face and I have her back against the door._

_She licks her lips and stares down my lips. I close the gap between us and kiss her deeply. Her lips move along mine in the perfect rhythm. We pull away slowly. With my thumb slowly tracing her jawline, I leave trails of kisses, going lower under her neck. I sneak my hands under neath her shirt, feeling her warm skin with my cold hands._

_She backs my hands away. "Nope, not happening" She said._

_"Since when did you become a prude?" I laugh_

_"Since we are in this restroom like this during my shift." She said with her thumb caressing my hand. "Plus..." She said slowly, "I want our first to be special, baby." _

_"Okay, fine" I said. It was mainly her calling me "baby" that got to me. I love it when she calls me that._

_"Promise, we'll wait?" She said with her pinky up._

_I wrap my pinky around with hers. For a second I get lost in her eyes. "I promise," I say and f_or a second I get lost in her eyes._ "Just don't make me wait too long"_

_"I promise" She said as she presses her lips against my forehead. I feel her smile and it feels like the best thing ever. This is our first promise and I intend to keep it._

* * *

"Yeah, the Brew is pretty special" I smile. "We made our first promise there" I pointed out.

Emily's teeth flashed and she grins. "You remember?"

"Of course" How could I forget?

"So listen, Han.." She said slowly, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about the _past?"_ She says referring to the night where I caught her.

"I just want us to move passed that, Em" I said, but it's hard to ignore the questions in my head. _Why did she cheat on me? Did she not love me anymore when she cheated on me? _No. I can't think about this.

"How were you since then?" I ask. Is that a proper question? Can I ask that? There's this huge part of me that really wanted to know how she was doing since the passed two years.

"I been.. Okay" She shrugs. There's this tone in her voice that sounded, rather, disappointed._ But why?_ Was it because I left? What happened here in the last two years? When I left, did everything change?

Thinking more deeper in my thoughts, the perfect question that popped in my head.

_What happened to Alison?_

My whole brain tells me not to ask.. At least not yet. _It's too early._

"Why, _okay_?" I ask

"Well for starters, you left" She lets a small laugh that sounded sweet to me. I missed that laugh. "And things just... I don't know, changed" Well that kinda confirms that things did change when I left..

She turns around to the fridge and I take another bite of her delicious cooking. "Hey Em, can you give me a napkin?" I said, before noticing it was right in front of me.

"Yeah, sure" She said. Both of our hands reach for the napkin. Her warm hand lays on top of mine. I look up to her and I already catch her gaze.

"Uh.." I said.

She shook her head and shyly said, "Sorry" And takes her hand away from mine. She leaves a lingering feeling on my hand..

* * *

**Later that night.**

There's some kind thud that hit my window.

Another thud.

I move the curtains out of the way of the window and slide the window open. Something almost hit my face, literally a inch away. "What the fu-" I said before realizing that the one who was down there, throwing pebbles at my window, was Emily. My eyebrows furrow and my run my finger through my ruffled up hair.

"Come down!" She calls

"Are you drunk?" I ask. The only reason she could be here right now, is if she's drunk. Which, brings me back the memories I had about two years ago..

* * *

_From being sound asleep to being wide awake, my ears hears a loud muffled voice singing 'Wide Awake' by Katy Perry. I slide my window open and see Emily. "Falling from cloud 9!" She sings loudly. _

_I couldn't help myself but smile down at her. She knows I love Katy Perry. __"I'm going to open the door for you!" I yell down at her. I feel bubbly inside for no apart reason. Should I be upset that my girlfriend came her drunk singing one of my favorite Katy Perry songs? Maybe not._

_I unlock the door and ran to her, grabbing her hand, leading her upstairs to my room so she doesn't wake my mom. I close my room door and set her on my bed. She starts to laugh for no apparent reason. _

_I sigh, "Why are you drunk?" _

_She reaches out for my hand and pulls me beside her on my bed. "It's September 1st, that's why." She slurred._

_My whole mood and smile dropped. She's drinking because of Alison. "Do you still have feelings for Ali?" I think I died a little inside just asking that._

_She stares at me blankly and takes my hand, "Han.."_

_"Do you?" I slide my hand away from hers_

_"I came here singing your favorite Katy Perry song and you're asking me if I have feelings for someone else that is dead?" She whines. Her response made me smile that she is able to say that, intoxicated. I press my lips against hers and she kisses back, with a taste of alcohol. She sits up and tries making her way to straddle my lap, before I stopped her._

_"Um, no. You're drunk" I said, with my head against my pillows. _

_"And you're beautiful," She said swiftly, "And when I wake up tomorrow sober, you'll still be beautiful"_

_"I can't believe I'm going to say this," I say, "We're going to wait, remember?"_

_"But I'm in the.. Mood" She said and bites her lip down, then captures my neck with her lips._

_I stand up away from her and my bed, then set the pillows comfortable for Emily's head. I tuck her in with a blanket over her and I sit on the edge of the bed. I gaze at her and softly said, "__Goodnight, __Emily"_

_"Goodnight, baby" She said then closes her eyes to fall asleep._

* * *

"Maybe a little bit drunk" She said.

I slide the window closed and make my way down stairs. I open the front door and stand there. She walks over to me and said, "Come with me"

"Emily, it's late. Go home" I roll my eyes.

"Hanna come on," She puts on a offering smile and reaches her hand out. _What is she doing? Why is she here this late? _Those thoughts roam in my head. Instead of taking her hand, I stand there with my arms crossed.

"Okay," She sighs, "I really hate the awkward tension I feel. And maybe we should _actually _work on being friends to move past that" She shrugs and her hands falls to her sides.

"Em, I just got back. Besides, time will move past it" I said.

"I know time will," She said, "But I'm just speeding time up" Her lips curve into a smile. Probably the type of smile that gave me some type of nervousness with her a long time ago.

And it still does.

"You aren't going to leave, unless I come with you, huh?"

"You know it." She said as she reaches out her hand again.

I reach out for her hand, and once we touched, I swear I felt countless tingles going down my spine. "Where are we going?" I ask her as she guides me towards her car.

She turns around and her smile grows wide and she says..

* * *

**Sorry I skipped through a lot on this chapter! And I'm also sorry for making you guys wait so long! If you'd like you could review a suggestion on where Emily is taking Hanna, and then I'll write a flashback for it and stuff :D Otherwise I'll just think of something myself.**

**Note: Flashbacks aren't all in order from Hanna and Emily's relationship from the beginning to end before Hanna left (most are though)**

**Leave a review! I really hope you guys enjoyed!**


	4. Settle Down With Me

"Let me surprise you" I said. Words cannot explain how much I missed her.

* * *

_"Han" I stared at the ceiling and said. _

_"Yeah?" She said. Right now we are just sitting in her room, on her bed, doing nothing. Which is probably my favorite thing to do with her because just being alone with her makes me happy. Though, she's on her phone, just on twitter. The usual her. _

_"Let's go on a date" Was the first things that came out my head without thought. Date.. Mhm.. That seems like a good idea. She turns her head and stares at me with her left eyebrow raised._

_"At 10pm?" _

_"So?" I said._

_"No"_

_"Why?" I pout_

_"It's dark and I just want to read more of these dumb 'deep' __tweets by Jaden Smith" She giggles. Her laugh is sweet to me._

_I take her phone out of her hand and she gasps. "Hey!"_

_"No" I said_

_"But-"_

_"I'm more important then Jaden Smith" I grin as I rest her phone on the dresser. She tries pulling those puppy eyes at me, usually they would work but I got distracted by her lips. I lean in and press my lips on hers. They were warm and it felt so great to have her lips pressed against mines. I peek and see her blond hair falling down on her shoulders._

_And for the moment there, I thought she was Alison. There was that moment in my life that I was still moping over Alison, and in the first few weeks I was with Hanna, well, I sometimes wished/imagined it was Ali instead. Her disappearance was big part of me, I was in a stage of purgatory when she was gone. Then again, each sweet moment that's filled with passion, makes me forget of Alison at the same time._

_Her soft lips press against my neck, and I suddenly feel millions of tingles that makes my body jump. Instead I just bite my lip down. She then straddles my lap and her lips take over my neck. "Han.." I said, softly._

_As her hands lifts my shirt higher, her fingers circle my stomach. She makes me feel like I'm on fire. The circling of her soft hands causes my back to arch, just a little._

_I know where this is leading. _

_"Wait" I said, stopping her hand movement. _

_"Mhm?"_

_"Not tonight" I said_

_She frowns and gets off my lap, "Why not?"_

_"We haven't been on one real date yet, Han" I said._

_"So what, we been together for like a month now" She said then moves her face closer to mine. I feel her breath and the sensation she has. She tucks my hair behind my ear and starts to kiss below my ear on my neck again. _

_I pull my head away and said, "One date, first" _

_She pouts. "Fine"_

_I grin and I press my lips against hers. She kisses back and in this room, time felt frozen and slow. All the time I had was with her and it felt so good._

* * *

"This is kidnapping, I hope you know" She said as she turned on the radio.

"Well, looks like my victim is comfortable" I said, glancing over to her. Her head was faced out the window and she looked comfy. She had the car seat leaned back and she just watched the rain falling. She turned her head and her eyes met mine. Because I felt embarrassed from getting caught staring out her, I turn my head back to look the road.

The basic mainstream songs on the radio played, _Jealous, Rather Be, 24 Hours... _Until she changed the station where one particular song came on.

_"And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet."_ It was the song on our first date.

_"And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now. Kiss me like you want to loved.. You wanna be loved-" _She then turned off the radio right there during the chorus. "I'm not in the mood for music right now" She said, sounding nervous but shook it off with a laugh.

* * *

_She looks around and smiles, which make me smile. "Not bad for a first date, Em"_

_Her words made it feel like all the weight of the world just fell off my shoulders. "Come on" I said as I get out the car. With every step, my feet digs deep in the sand deeper. She runs towards the sunset to the waves of the chill waters. Her hair bounces from left and right repeatedly and she turns around, facing my direction. She stands there and flashes a sweet smile, waiting for me._

_We walked around the beach, just talking. The feeling of comfort with her reached a whole new level. It felt like I got to know more of her that I hadn't known before. It was more personal, only can tell the person you are dating, kind of thing. "I never really talked about this but, I miss my dad and my grandma."_

_My expression at her was confused. "But you practically hate him because he left you and your mom"_

_"That doesn't change the fact he's my dad. I miss him. Sometimes when I see my mom coming home from work in the middle of the night, exhausted. I don't even know when's the last time she's been on a date. Just seeing her like that makes me wonder if she feels alone. It makes me feel alone too."  
_

_I reach out her her hand and held it tight, "You have me," I say, hearing the waves splash hard as the wind began to blow, "And I won't leave you."_

_ She looked at me as if she got lost in my eyes. No one had ever looked at me in that way. She leans in to kiss me but the drops of rain beat her to it. The sky roared and the rain came down harder. I look up and feel the water hitting my face. She grabs my hand and we run to my car for warmth. As we got there, panting, we smile at each other. I turn on the radio and the slow soothing song was perfect for the moment. _

_"Kiss me like you wanna be loved.. You wanna be loved" And so she did. She captured my lips with hers and her warm lips felt like home. The kiss was slow, just like how time felt. _

_"This feels like falling in love... Falling in love... Falling in love.."_

_She pulled away, and when I opened my eyes I caught her blue eyes already staring at me. She had this look on her face I couldn't describe, or maybe I was scared to describe it. She had to look on her face that defined love. Or surprised or something. I didn't know what it was, all I did was press my lips against hers once more._

* * *

I park my car on the side of a street near a park, knowing I left Hanna confused. I get out of the car and she follows. "Where are we going?" She asks.

"There" I point at a food truck.

"You kidnap me at midnight to take me to a taco truck?" She laughs, "Smooth Emily"

"Don't diss the taco truck! Trust me, you'll fall in love with their food, I promise" I said, which made her laugh more. I love this. The feeling of being friends with her again. It reminded me of all the fun times we had, even before we were together. This could be it, where her and I could start over. With each laugh and smile, we could be friends again. I would have my best friend back.

* * *

We waited in line for about ten minutes because there was a bunch of other people. My face lit up when the food I ordered was ready, though. I walk toward my car with two burritos in my hand. I get inside the warm car and hand Hanna her burrito.

"How long has it been since you had a Mexican Burrito?" I ask

She thinks about it and says, "Now to realize it, it's been a long time." She unwraps the foil that covered the burrito.

"Taste of freedom" I said before taking a bite of my burrito. She bites the burrito and her eyes widen. She takes a bigger bite and turns to her face to me, "This is good!" She muffles with a mouth full of food. She chews and swallows, then says, "I feel like I ate this before?"

I did nothing but just grin at her. Does she not remember? Can she not put her finger on it?

* * *

_The song ended slowly and we pull away from the kiss slowly. Her hand still rested on the side of my face, caressing my cheek. "I think 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran is my new favorite song" She softly said._

_"That makes the both of us then" I said with a warm smile._

_"So what food did you have in that picnic box?" She asked._

_"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too" I grab the picnic box that was in the backseat and take out two foil wrapped burritos. _

_She looks at me and smiles, but rolls her eyes. "Did you buy these?"_

_"Maybe" I said, handing her one. "It might be cold or a little warm"_

* * *

Instead of saying that it was the same burrito I once bought for our first date, we continue eating. We were even talking. We talked and talked and even laughed, a lot. While talking to her I just mainly stared out the dark night sky, but once I turned to face her I caught her stare. She looked away quickly, even blushing. I looked away from her too. It was an instinct..

"Thank you" She said

"For kidnapping you?"

She smiles and crumples up her trash. "Yes, for kidnapping me" She said, "But I think I should go home now, I'm getting a little tired"

"Yeah of course" I said. I started the car and headed off to drop her home. The ride home wasn't awkward nor silent. We caught up and I learned more about her life in Oklahoma. She met great people and that she even visited Texas where some of her family members lived in also like mine. She told me about some guy named Shane, who became one of her closest friends.

It didn't take long until I got to her house. "Goodnight Em" She said before opening the car door. She walked to her door and I wanted to make sure she was inside safely before leaving.

"Han" I called for her

"Yeah?" She said, walking a few steps towards my car.

"Do I have my best friend back?" I ask

She smiled and looked at the floor before picking her head up back at me. "Yeah.. Yeah you do, Em" She said.

I couldn't hold the smile back inside of me so I grinned at her. She turned her back and walked to her door and unlocked her front door. She walks in and waves goodbye. Knowing for sure that we are finally going to be passed the awkwardness, I drive home happy.

* * *

**That's a wrap. I know I said that Alison is coming soon, and don't worry, she is. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm going to make this a growing story. You will see the struggles the characters are going to go through, the friendships that last or end, and even the growth of how as characters in the story they are. Also, I will try to have the other characters like Spencer and Aria involved.**

**Please leave a review!**


	5. If I Lose Myself

**Unedited so please excuse any mistake, sorry.**

**NOTE: Flashbacks aren't in order. The first flashback is set before Emily and Hanna were together, the second is during, the third is after, and the last is during.**

**Hanna's Pov**

I don't think words can describe how I feel. Everything I'm feeling is so mixed. I don't know whether I should be continuing to be this person that I swore to be when I came back here at Rosewood or stop my tracks and try to know more about what happened with Alison. I don't know where she is now, but I have a very strong feeling that I don't want to know at all about Alison. Especially since it'll involve Emily. While I was at Oklahoma with my grandmother and visited Texas, I met so many great people that opened my eyes and made me realized that I need to be strong and more different to pass any tough time. _I'm trying. _I'm trying to act like everything with Emily and I never even happened, so I don't fall into a new heart break. I can't go through that again.

The sound of my phone ringtone goes off and interrupts my thoughts. It was Caleb who was calling.

* * *

(flashback/ dinner for Spencer's birthday)

_Just seeing her hair bounce and her laughing makes every single part of me kept staring. Though I can't do that. I shouldn't even be thinking of her like this at all. _

_'Snap out of it, Han. You don't like her. She's your best friend and you're straight, remember?' My conscience screams at me. She helps Spencer set the small bonfire on in the living room. "Hey Hanna," Out of nowhere, Caleb appears in front of me staring at Emily. "Did you space out?" He laughs. I look down at the stack of plates I was supposed to set up on the table for the dinner._

_"Yeah, sorry" I said. He presses his lips against my cheek and I could feel his smile. He then excuses himself to the restroom, making me suddenly feel terrible. Why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel like I'm betraying him?_

_Emily walks towards me with a frown. "Dinner is going to start soon, where's the forks and spoons?" She asks._

_"They are in the cabinet," I point behind me. She looks at me and shakes her head at me with a smile. She walks towards the cabinet and I follow. She reaches for the highest cabinet on her toes. Her shirt starts to show some of her skin and I couldn't help myself but stare. She gets back down on her feet and I look back up, instantly. I don't want her to know that I was practically staring at her tanned stomach. I don't know how it happened but her body was very close to mine. Enough for me to smell her damn perfume that makes me want to explode. And it was close enough to make me feel like I'm set on fire. In this moment I was getting lost at the feeling of our bodies being close, but not touching. Until she reaches out for my hands and places the utensils in my hand. "Hanna?" She said, softly._

_"Huh?" I said, getting my head back into reality._

_"Are you okay, Han?" She asked._

_Don't get lost in her eyes, Hanna Marin. Don't you dare._

_"Yeah, totally" I practically had to mentally slap myself before responding. She walks away and I see Caleb coming back down stairs. It all made sense to me now. This isn't some small little girl crush. For months I've been trying to convince myself that it was just maybe a little crush, and how it shouldn't be possible to even have these feelings for Emily. It was all suddenly getting into my head now.._

_I think I'm in love with my best friend._

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hanna!" He sounded happy. It was a sound I miss from him while I was away. "Do you want to hang out? I just wanted to know if you were up for another cup of coffee?"

"I would like that" I said

"I'll meet you there?"

"Yeah, I'll be there at ten." I said. And for the moment there I felt happy here at Rosewood again. Spending time with Caleb was nice in a platonic way. I just really want nothing more then a friend at the moment, and he is really supportive. I stand in front of my mirror and just stare at how lazy I look. My hair is all ruffled up and messy, my tank top covered on half of my body because I had been laying down watching tv for the past two hours, and the gray sweats I had on made me look like the most laziest person ever.

I open my suitcase that was filled with all the clothes that I hadn't organized in my drawer yet to find something to wear. I practically just threw most of the shirts/blouses/skirts/dresses that I didn't want to wear all over the floor. Until one particular shirt caught my eye. _I can't even believe I still have this._

_After a long day spending Christmas at my dad's side of the family, (which my mom made me go to so I can "bond" with my father and Kate) I had finally went home around 7pm to spend the remaining time of Christmas with my mom. We had dinner and watched movies together most of the night before she fell asleep on the couch. I look at the time, it was 10:30pm and the first thought I had in my mind was Emily. She knew that I had gone to spend most of the day with my father and I promised her that I would come and see her when I got home after spending time with my mom. As I step out the house, everything was freezing. I could see snow starting to come down sky._

_'Hopefully she isn't sleeping', the thought roamed in my head. I sent a text message to her saying, "At your front door"_

_It wasn't too long until she answered the door and attacked me with a tight hug. "Okay.. Can.. I.. Breathe.. Now?" I said. She let go and grabbed my hand, leading me up to her room. _

_"We have to be quiet, my mom is asleep" She whispers. We go up inside her room and I immediately ramble about how annoying Kate was and how I had to put up with her at the dinner table with my father. We just sit on her bed and she holds my hand tight, and reassuring me that everything is okay and how strong I was putting up with Kate. _

_This._

_This feeling that I get when she makes me feel less angry and annoyed with the world... She is the one I want to spend every breathing moment with. It's crazy because we only been together for 6 months and I feel completely.. Whipped. Not once that we had sex. It's not that we are taking it slow, we just keep getting our moments ruined. There's times where I want to say everything that's on my mind, but when I open my mouth it's like she takes my breath away. I snap out of my thoughts and when Emily hands me a small rectangular shaped box. "Here, I got you something" She says._

_"Em, you didn't have too" I said, giving her a soft smile. I open the gift and the first thing I did was look up to her. "It's beautiful" I breathe out. In my hands is a gold necklace with H.M + E.F engraved on it. "This looks really expensive" I said._

_"Well," She says as she takes the necklace out of my hand and brushes my hair out of the way of my neck with her hands, "I had to save up months of paychecks" She clips it on around my neck places a kiss on my cheek._

_"I feel bad," I say taking out her gift from the pocket of my jacket, "I just got you this.." It was the new cd of her favorite band. She smiles and said, "I love it"_

_"Em," I say, "All I want for Christmas is you" _

_The moment fell silent, then I felt the warmth of her hand on my cheek. Before she leans in to close the gap between our lips, she gives this long look inside of my eyes. She captures my lips with a kiss, which took my breath away already. It was at first soft and safe, before the slow time went by and the kiss grew deeper. Before I knew it, her body was forcing mines to lay back against the pillows. She starts to set my core on fire as she rapidly kisses my neck. My fingers dig deep into her back, under her shirt. I bite my lip down hard to avoid any noise escaping my mouth. "Em, your mom is sleeping.." I said._

_She gets up and says, "Oh yeah" She walks to the door and locks it. She straddle on top of my lap again and removes her shirt over her head. I stare at her body... This is my first time with a girl.. With Emily.._

_"Are you ready?" She asks. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared, not scared to have my first with Emily, but because this is a huge step of our relationship. "Han?" She asks again. I hear voice again, and I swear I always feel safe._

_"Yes" I shake my head 'yes'. The next thing I know, our bodies collide in a feeling I'll never forget. We had never been this kind close like this. With each kiss she lays on my stomach.. and going lower.. everything and every where inside of me is set on fire. I grip on to the bed sheets at her contact with my core. "Emily" I gasp._

* * *

_I open my eyes and turn find my body wrapped in Emily's arms. I turn around, where I can face her. Her face was makeup free and her hair was all messy. God, she's beautiful. "Morning, baby" She says with her morning voice._

_The first thing I did was grin, "I love when you call me that" _

_"Mhm" She said before placing a kiss on my nose. Out of nowhere there was a knock on the door and the sound of an angry mother._

_"Emily Fields! What did I say about locked doors?!" The sound of Emily's mother, Pam, yelled._

_Emily's eyes widen and so did mines. The first thing I did was put on any clothes I found of mines of the floor. I had put on my pants but I couldn't find my shirt so I picked up Emily's red and black button up flannel._

_"I'm coming!" Emily said to her mother. "Get out the window!" She whispers at me._

_"No way!" I said._

_"She's going to kill me if she finds out you stayed the night!" _

_"Didn't she know?" I ask_

_"How would she know?"_

_"All the moaning-"_

_"Hanna!" She cuts my words off. It wasn't my choice but I had to do it anyways. I left out of Emily's by her window and practically getting stuck in a tree._

* * *

That day she let me keep her shirt. While being away for two years, there's no doubt that I wanted to burn it. I couldn't though. I never had the power because it just held on to many memories that I couldn't let go of.

My phone beeped and I received a text from Caleb asking where I was. I quickly put on a pair of jeans and wore the flannel. _Coffee.. The Brew.. What if Emily sees me? _I thought. _No I doubt she still works at the Brew after these years._

I left to the Brew and found Caleb sitting the furniture side of the coffee shop. As I approach him, I almost have coffee spilled all over me when one of the workers almost walked into me. "Sorry" It was Emily.

"It's okay" I said.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" She smiles softly. I look over her shoulder and notice Caleb giving me a wave. I wave back, which cause Emily to look in my direction. "Oh" Her voice sounded shattered.

"You still work here?" I said, trying to move passed the ''Oh".

"Yeah, I needed the extra cash" She says, she then glances at the shirt I was wearing and hopefully she doesn't see the pink, probably red, face I have on right now. Instead, she just says, "I remember that shirt." And walks away back to her shift or what ever she was doing on the job.

I walk towards Caleb and sit next to him. "Here, I ordered your favorite" He says, "It's a little bit warm."

I take a sip of the coffee, Skinny Vanilla, "Looks like you still know me well" I let a small laugh out.

"Well, how are you Han? Seeing Emily must be tough" He said.

"What?" I honestly didn't know what he referred to.

"You don't remember?" He said.

"Remember what?" I ask.

"The night she cheated on you, you came to me."

And suddenly my eyebrows raised and I remember what he was talking about. Breaking up with Caleb was not the last time I saw him.

* * *

_(the night Hanna caught Emily cheating)_

_After feeling the sudden urge to pack my bags, I open the bottle of whiskey my mom stores in the cabinet. I take the bottle and drive. I didn't know where I was headed, I just drove. _

_I find myself at the door step of someone who I hadn't spoke to in a while. Before knocking the door I take a chug of the bottle of whiskey. I knock on the door softly, rubbing my arms for warmth. The door opens and I see Caleb. The first look he had was a grin, but it quickly dropped when he got a better look of me. "Han?" He said. _

_I tried holding back the tears but it didn't work. The pain was too much for me to even pretend that everything was okay._

_"I didn't know here else to go" My voice breaks. _

_"Come inside" He pulls me inside his trailer, taking the bottle away from me. It was cleaned up from the last time I been in here. He used to have empty bottles of beer laying around. That has changed. I sit down on his couch with my face buried in my hands. "Hanna, what happened?" He asked, sitting beside me. _

_I looked up and said, "She.. She cheated on me" The first thing he did was widen his eyes. I wouldn't of believed it either. Emily cheating on Hanna Marin? Their relationship is perfect though? _

_It isn't. _

_He pulls me close and wraps his arms around me. "How could she do that to me?" I muffled in his chest, with so many tears staining his shirt. He holds me tighter for comfort and I cried in his arms until my eyes couldn't take any more. "Thank you" I said with a sniffle._

_"I don't know why she would do that to you, Han" He says, "You're not someone worth losing for" His words soften me a little. Though all I can think about is hurting her back. I want to return the pain she gave me. I lean in and press my lips against his, but he quickly backs away. "Han.." _

_"I'm sorry" I said instantly. What did I just do? Is this where heart break goes? Where you just want to return all the pain and tears that the you one loved brought you?_

_"You're hurt. I don't want you doing anything you'll regret." He said. "I think you just need to talk it out, Han. Can you do that?"_

_"I'll try"_

* * *

"I remember," I say, "Sorry, ever since I was away I forgot some things" It was true. While I was away, I did find some peace that stopped some of my heartache.

"How are you?" He said.

"I don't know"

He places his hand on top of mine. Caleb was always so good to me. There were moments where I was in a place where I had second thoughts about him, and even regretted breaking up with him. Though, every time I thought of regretting breaking up with him, there's a huge part, somewhere in my head, telling me that if I hadn't break up with him, I wouldn't of been with Emily. I wouldn't have the best moments of my life, but then again, I wouldn't have the worst.

"Remember that I'm always here for you, Han" He says softly. I believe him. There was not one moment where he let me down.

"I know" I said softly.

* * *

**Emily's Pov**

It's that sinking feeling in your chest that I'm having right now from my repetitive glances over at Hanna and Caleb. _Oh. Now his hand is on hers. _With Hanna back, I couldn't but think how things would have been today if I didn't make the choices I had made two years ago.

_"SOS" The main text message that brings Hanna, Spencer, Aria and I in one room, worried as hell. This time, Spencer had sent it._

_"What's going on?" I ask, walking inside Spencer's house. Spencer, Aria, and Hanna all stand around each other with quietly. "Hello?" I said because none of them seems to answer my question. _

_"Shana went up to me last night and told me that.." Spencer pauses._

_"That what?" I said_

_"That Alison is alive." Hanna said, running her fingers through her hair._

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews! There is so many more to come, and I think I'll have chapters of just the flashbacks because they are a huge important part of this story.**

**Guest**: _Awwwwwwwwwwww. I love BFF Hannily. If I was Hanna, I'd be like, 'hell no bitch you cheated on me!' Well... Hanna IS more forgiving... OMG but the second you mentioned Hanna becoming best friends with a guy named Shane, I immediately thought of Shane from Faking It. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but the crazy part is I was literally just imagining Hanna being friends with everyone from Faking It, lol. It would be cute if Shane came to visit Han, whether it's Faking It Shane or not, lol. UPDATE SOOOOOOONNNN PLLLZZZZZZ_

**My response:** Yes, I do mean Shane Harvey. Though, I don't think I should have this a cross over because I'm not sure the other viewers even watch Faking It so I don't want to make them read characters they don't know. Trust me, I read hannily fics that crossed over to different shows and I was a little confused haha :-)

**Should I cross it over just a little bit or not? If I do, I'm not going to make the story about them, but more of how Hanna's life was at Oklahoma/Texas from the passed two years. Including her change and growth. **

**Leave a review! It'll mean a lot!**


	6. Make It To Me

_**Emily's Pov**_

_There's so many things I'm feeling right now, surprised is the main one, that's for sure. Though, happy or anything else, I'm not sure about. _

_"Shana gave us an address for only one of us to meet up with her tomorrow tonight" Aria hands me a napkin from the Brew with an address written on it. _

_"If one of us is going to meet up with her, we think it should be you," Spencer said. _

_"Why me?" I ask. I glance over to Hanna, who looked unsatisfied at Spencer's saying. _

_"Because, out of all of us, you two connected the most before she disappeared," Aria answered. _

_ "And you want me to go? What if it's an -A trap?" I said._

_"Em, we caught -A, remember? It was Mona and we haven't heard of -A ever since we put her in Radley a year ago" Spencer says, "And I will be going with you as backup,"_

_The room went quiet. It was true, we haven't heard from -A since we found out it was Mona. Shana had always been close to Alison ever since they were little.. This could be the truth. After a year of searching the truth and finding -A, Alison being alive seemed impossible because we all lost hope. This. This could be true and we could finally get Alison back._

_"Spence, Aria," Hanna says, "Can you.." She said, telling them to go somewhere else so she could talk to me._

_"Yeah," Aria nods. Spencer and her leave the room, closing the door behind them. I turn back to Hanna. She takes a deep breath and faces me._

_"Are you going to be okay with this?" I ask, stepping closer to her._

_""Sure" She sighs. _

_"Han.." I reach out for her hands and hold on to them tight._

_"Are you sure about this?" She softly said. _

_"I need to see if this time is true," I say, "If all this is just some big set up and lie, than I promise you I'm done with all this 'Is Alison still alive drama'. I promise" _

_She lets go of my hands and wraps her arms around my neck. Her body pressed against mine and I felt her head in my neck. "I love you" Those words of hers lingers ever time. _

_I hug her back, with my arms around her waist and softly said it back. "I love you," The three words, eight letters that I know makes her heart leap as it did mine._

* * *

_(The next day)_

_After thinking and thinking of how tonight would go, put a lot of pressure in me. Spencer was going to go with me to see Alison, but I didn't want her too. I know she's just my backup for in case something goes wrong but, why does it feel like this will go right? There's a huge part of me that feels like this is going to be real. I want to ask all my unanswered questions to her and I want to see her.. Alone. I don't know why.. I just do._

_Spencer and I park in some place that looks like an abandon warehouse. "Okay, I'll give you call when I'm done" I said. _

_"Got it," She said._

_I get out the car and walk inside the place where the address led to. With each step I take, I feel my heart beat faster and faster. I look around and there's boxes everywhere. "Emily" The hair behind my neck stands as I knew right away whose voice that belonged too._

_"Ali," My breath was took away and I pulled her into my arms for a hug. "I can't believe it.." I said. She pulls away and smiles at me. "Are you coming home?" I ask. _

_"I don't know yet" She said, which made my chest sink. Why can't she doesn't she want to go home? Why? Is she still afraid of -A? Is she afraid?_

_"Why? You can come home, it's safe now" I said._

_"Emily, I wanted to meet up with one of you guys because I needed you guys to know that I am coming back soon. I promise," She says, holding her warm hand on mines, "I knew it would be you that would come tonight. I had a huge feeling. Meet me at the kissing rock at 8 tomorrow night" _

_"Just come home now" I said._

_"I just want to talk to you alone, Em" She says._

_"We are alone"_

_"I know one of the girls came with you," She said, "I doubt you would come alone. Those girls would always have each other's back"_

_I didn't say much, so I just stood there my hands in hers. "Let them know I'll be back soon. Only them," She said and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Tomorrow at 8" _

_"I'll be there" I said, hugging her back, knowing that this won't be the last time I'll see her._

* * *

_As we got back to Spencer's house, we called Hanna and Aria over. _

_"So what happened?" Aria asks._

_"She's alive" The words that I thought would never come out my mouth. All their eyes widened. "She just said she was coming home soon and that's it" I said. Okay, I might have not mentioned her wanting to meet with me part._

_"That's it?" Hanna asks._

_"She doesn't want us to worry," I said_

_"So what do we do now?" Aria crosses her arms._

_"We wait" Spencer said._

* * *

**Hanna's Pov**

Tonight is just another night where I sleep over at Spencer's along with Emily and Aria. Earlier at The Brew, felt awkward. I thought Emily and I moved passed that? It's only been two weeks that I have came back here and I am slowly feeling like the same Hanna two years ago, where I'm holding on to something. I feel like no matter what time of year or day it is, I can't ever let of the memories.

The sound of the popcorn popping grew faster and in no time the microwave beeped. "Popcorn's ready!" I said, walking inside of Spencer's room. I take the bag out of the microwave and sat on the on the side of bed, next to Aria.

"Kettle is better then butter," The short brunette pouts.

"That doesn't work on me, remember?" I said, referring to her puppy face.

She rolls her eyes and laughs.

Emily and Spencer sat next to each other on the floor. The movie playing was The Other Woman.. Well that's awkward..

* * *

My heart pounded and my breathing was heavy.. Around me was Spencer, Emily, and Aria, trying to hold me down, calming me down. Spencer and Aria rushed down stairs.. Emily's hands cupped my face and she said the one thing that snapped me back into reality, "_Baby_!"

My breathing suddenly calmed down and so did my heart. "I had a nightmare.." I said, before her words cut mine.

"I know" She said. Of course she knows, this used to happen a few times when we were together. I would have nightmares of the most random things, but most end with the feeling of falling. Though this time it was different... I had a dream of that night where I caught Emily and Alison. It was my biggest fear...

Spencer and Aria come back with water and a wet towel. "Are you okay?" Aria asks, handing me the cup of water. Spencer also hands me the wet towel and I rub my face with it before drinking the water. I look at the time, and it was 1:58am.

"I'm fine, I just had a bad dream, that's all," I said, "Just go back to sleep"

"Okay" Spencer and Aria said.

"Are you sure?" Emily asks, with her hand places on mine.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I said.

Emily went back in her side of the bed and went to sleep, while I was just trying too. It's like that night just replayed in my head over and over again.

* * *

In the morning we all had breakfast and went home. Though sometime in the after noon, Emily came at my door. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask. The wind from the outside started coming inside, so I step aside and let Emily in.

She walks inside and I close the door behind her. "I was just thinking and thinking and I found myself at your door," She said.

"What were you thinking about?" I ask.

"You.." She slowly said.

"It was just a nightmare, Em, I'm fine now" I said, walking into the kitchen. "Do you want some hot chocolate?" I offer, leaning against the kitchen counter. She stands in front of me, not too close, but then again, not too far. I feel my heart pumping and beating faster more and more.

"It surprised me when I calmed you down earlier when I said.. What I said," She says. I know what she talking about, she means about when she called me 'Baby'. "It calmed you down. It always did," She smiles and her eyes wonder around the room. _Is she blushing? _"Than it got me thinking that maybe, just maybe," She says, taking a small step closer to me where her body is just an inch or two away from my body. "Maybe you still had feelings for me" She said softly.

I froze.

"N-No" I stuttered. _Shit._

"You stuttered," She said, having her arms trapping my way out.

"No I didn't," I said. _Think about this, Hanna.. She broke your heart once already._

"Liar," She said. And with that it's like I got lost in her gaze. She slowly leans in and and I get lost in the moment. Her lips capture mine and I kissed her back. It's like I'm feeling the passion flow into my bones as the kiss got deeper. _You promised yourself not to get your heart broken again.._

I pulled away from the kiss and her forehead is presses against mines. "I can't.." I said.

She takes a step back and said, "Because of Caleb?"

"No," I say, "It's not like that with Caleb and I at all. I just need to think about this,"

"Tonight, Han," She says, "Think all you want, and when you make your mind up, my door's open till midnight"

"Em-"

"And if you don't come, I understand. It'll take some time for me, but we could continue being 'friends" She cuts my words off. Her lips press against my forehead and she walks away. I walk up to my room and crash on my bed. _What do I do? _There's no doubt that I still have feelings for her.. I kissed her back when I could of pushed away. The thought of being with her again scares me. It scares the living shit of me because after being with her two years ago, I was completely broken.

Do I risk it all and be with her again?

* * *

**Happy New Year! One of my resolutions this year is too update more faster, including my other stories. Though I barely get enough time because of school/finals/etc.. Leave a review!**


	7. Night Changes

**Excuse any mistakes, if needed.**

**_Emily's Pov_**

_Happiness._

_It was the only thing I was feeling. Alison is in front of me.. The one person that I had only dreamed of to see in person again. This moment does definitely feels like I'm dreaming. I repeat, Alison, the girl who has been "dead" for almost 2 years, is right in front of me. I probably am dreaming. The cold wind blew softly towards me, and I could just smell the coconut scented perfume that was on her._

_"I missed you the most," She said, taking a step towards me. She slowly wraps her arms around me for a hug, but she did it as if she hesitated. _

_"I missed you too," I said, holding on to her tight._

_She pulls away from the hug and says, "I'm coming back home, tonight," She smiles big, "I want you to help me, Em-" She was saying before my phone interrupted her. I pull out my phone to see who was calling, so I could shut it off. It was Hanna. I didn't know if I should answer or not, so I thought about it long enough for my phone to stop ringing. _

_"I'm going to help you, Ali. Don't worry-" My voice got cut off by my phone ringing again. It was Hanna again, and this time I answered. "Hello?" _

_"Hey, where are you?" Hanna asks._

_"Uh," I said, looking at Alison. "Please don't tell anyone your with me," She whispers._

_"Swimming practice went on a little later than expected, why?" I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to lie at all, but I had too._

_"We had a movie date," Hanna said. Crap. I had forgotten about our date. Yesterday, after I met up with Alison for the first time, that's all I been thinking about. _

_"Oh yeah," I said, "I'm sorry, how about tomorrow night or something?"_

_"Okay," She says, "Love you" _

_"I love you too, bye Han," I than hang up, turning around to see a raised eyebrow, surprised expression look on Alison's face._

_"You and Hanna?" She asks, with a higher voice._

_I didn't want to answer her question at all.. It felt awkward. "Yeah," I said._

_"How long have you two.." She said, ending her sentence shortly so I could fill it in with an answer._

_"It's only been like, half a year," I shrug, wanting to change the subject, "So where are we off to now? You're back now, Ali."_

_"The police station," She said._

_"Why there?"_

_"I need a clean start and tell them about -A. It's time for me to come back."_

_"Are you sure?" I ask._

_"Yes"_

* * *

_In the next two days the news broke out that Alison Dilaurentis is alive. And also, within those two days Alison had been in her home and her dad not allowing any visitors for a while. Today was New Year's eve, and Hanna is throwing a party at her house. Spencer and Aria seemed super happy that one of our best friends were back, but Hanna was different. Sure, she did show some, 'Oh my god, you're back' happiness, but at the same time it didn't really seem to matter to her. Right now, I was just getting ready to make my way to Hanna's house for the party. What I had on was just a dark blue and red flannel with a pair of blue denim jeans. _

_As I got to her house I see Spencer and Hanna just socializing and laughing. I look back at the stairs and see Aria and Alison on the stair case. Alison and I met eyes for at least two seconds.. Two very slow seconds._

_"Hey, you made it," Hanna said and presses her lips against my cheek. "Find me at midnight for our first new year's kiss," She said in my ear. My lips automatically curve into my smile._

_"I know, I will," I said, grabbing myself a drink. _

_"Lovebirds," Spencer rolls her eyes._

* * *

_It was around 11:55pm and Hanna was just socializing with some people from school, while Spencer was playing drinking games. It's pretty surprising coming from Spencer, actually. You don't really see an every-year-honor-roll student, with a higher then 4.0 gpa taking tequila body shots from some random girl, often_

_As I made my way outside to get some air, I see Alison sitting on the tree swing by herself. "Hey," I said._

_"Hey Em," She said, taking a sip of the beer she had._

_"Party is inside, Ali" I said with a small laugh._

_"All night long I had random party giving me looks and people asking me too many questions, Em," She says, "I don't think so."_

_"Well, hey I'll keep you company" I smile, sitting on the tree swing next to her. "Are you okay, though?"_

_"What?"_

_"Are you okay?" I ask again. She looked at me for a very long two seconds again, and then let her eyes wander._

_"I think you're the first person actually ask that," She softly said._

_"1 minute!" I hear some guys in the house scream out._

_"It's almost time, don't you think you should find Hanna or something?" She asks._

_"Yeah, but at the same time I don't think you should be alone" I said._

_"It's a New Year's kiss, though?" She said_

_"It's just one kiss" I shrug, and now I remember about how much this kiss meant to Hanna. _

_"Em, I kind of want to go home" She said, "Aria drove me but she's looks like she having fun drinking and getting her stomach liked by Spencer" She laughs._

_"That was Aria?" I laugh. _

_"Yeah, surprisingly" She laughs._

_"I'll take you home," I said. _

_"Are you sure?" She asks._

_"Yeah"_

_"10! 9!" The chants of the room, slowly faded away as Alison and I walked to my car. God, Hanna's going to kill me. _

_It wasn't that long of a car ride from Hanna's house to Ali's. As we got there it was only 12:03am. "Thank you, Em" She said._

_"Goodnight Ali" I said, giving a warm smile. _

_"You should get back quick, Hanna-"_

_"She's going to murder me, I know" I cut her off with a laugh. _

_"Bye, Em" _

_"Bye," I said, than I drove off. Shit. Hanna is going to murder me.. She had been always looking forward to our first New Year's kiss and I blew it! I park in front of her house and take a deep breath before walking in her house. Everyone was still having a good time and people starting leaving, but I couldn't find Hanna._

_"Emily," I hear Spencer voice call for me. I turn around and immediately asked where Hanna was._

_"Hanna was looking for you and she said she saw you drive off with Alison" Spencer said._

_"Alison needed a ride home," I said, "Where's Hanna?"_

_"She's in her room," Spencer said, "She's pissed Em" And with that I made my way upstairs in her room quickly. _

_I open the door and saw her sitting on her bed, just staring at the necklace, that was around her neck, I gave her. "Hey, I'm sorry" I said, kneeling on the floor beside her. I hold on to her hands, and caress it softly with my thumb._

_"It's okay," She said, bluntly. She didn't mean it. It's obvious._

_"Ali needed a ride home, I'm sorry" I said._

_"Em, I'm really tired, so I'm just going to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow," She said and added a kiss on my cheek before she laid down. _

_"But the party is still going on down stairs," I said._

_"Just tell Spencer to get rid of them, please" She said. I helped her get comfortable in bed, by tucking her in with her blanket._

_"Love you?" I said, gazing at her. She looks up and said, "I love you, too" I press my lips against her forehead._

* * *

_I knew she was still upset about last night, so I came by Hanna's house with one of those Mexican burritos she loved and the movie, The Breakfast Club. I knock on her door, but there was no answer. I rang the doorbell twice, and than the door opens. Hanna's hair was messy and she had on only sweats and a crop top. "Em? What are you doing here it's early" She yawns._

_I walk in her house and give her a weird look. "It's 2 in the afternoon, Han"_

_"Oh," She said, "That's still early"_

_She walks to the kitchen and I follow, "Well, hi" I said._

_"Hey," She said, looking through her fridge._

_"I brought you food" I said. Though she ignored me. "Hanna.." I put the movie and the food down on the counter and walks towards her._

_"I know you're still mad," I said._

_She sighs and takes out orange juice from the fridge. She than walks to the cup board and pours her self a cup on the kitchen counter. From the bacl, I rest neck on her shoulder and arms around her waist. "I'm sorry" I said softly beside her ear._

_"You knew I was looking forward to the midnight kiss" She said._

_"I know, but Han, I could kiss you every time at midnight everyday for this new year, if you want," I said. I see her smile._

_"So you drove Alison home," She starts, "That's it, right?" _

_"Yep," I said. Than I slowly let go of her waist and take a small step back, "Wait, were you jealous?"_

_"No!" She turns around and says._

_"All I did was drive her home and came back, Han," I laugh. _

_"Okay." She nods, "But you still missed the midnight kiss!" She slaps my arm. And there it was, she was mad again. Every time we have a small fight, I would always know how to win it. I would stare into Hanna's eyes, because I knew it would hit her soft spot, and then glance down to her lips. _

_"Don't!" She laughs and she turns back around away from me to not look at me. My hands travels from her hips to her stomach, and my lips slowly press against her neck. I start to leave a trail of kisses all over the side of her neck and started on her shoulder._

_"Em.. You can't keep.. saving yourself from arguments.. like this" She slowly said._

_"Yes, I can" I smile wider. _

* * *

**Hanna's Pov**

I spent hours thinking about what Emily said. I even made a list to see how I would feel. Reasons not to get back with Emily: 1. She broke my heart. 2. She lied to me when we were together. 3. It took almost a whole two years to get over her. And, lastly, 4. Again, she broke my heart.

Reasons to get back together with Emily: 1. I might still have feelings for her. _Oh who am I kidding? I do, still have feelings for her. _2\. She still has feelings for me... And those were the only reasons I thought of. The saying, 'Follow your heart, not your brain', is getting to me. It's really corny, I know. Though, all I can think of is how things can be different. This time, I would know what to do. This time, I'm different. I could just feel how my heart is okay now. Sure, it might feel like it's a broken mirror, and it's pieces were glue back together, and has it still cracks. But this time, it wont be that easy to shatter my heart again. Maybe being with her will be different..

I look at the time at it read, 11:20pm. _Think about this, Han.. _My conscience said. I set aside the bigger list of the reasons not to get back together with Emily and leave my house to see her.

As I got to her door, the first thing I did was knock. Though the door was already open, so I walked slowly up to her room. I hear her speaking to someone. I didn't hear anything clearly, until I walked closer to her room. At the moment, walking in her room seemed like a bad idea because she's probably talking to her mom. Her room door was half open and I lay my back against the wall near her door. _Take a deep breath, Han.. _And so I did. Right when I was just about to walk in her room, I stop myself. I heard the voice of someone else speaking. A voice that I didn't hear in two years. The voice that belonged to someone that I hated for those two years, before I moved on from the pain.

It was Alison.

* * *

**Dun dunnn duuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnn!**

**I really hope you liked this chapter. There is so much more to come, you guys! Pretty soon, you'll start seeing the downfall in Emily and Hanna's relationship two years ago. I'm looking forward on writing that and sharing that with you guys!**

**Thanks for all the reviews on the recent chapter, and make sure you leave one on your thoughts for this one. :) **


	8. Afraid

**Thanks for all the reviews in the previous chapter!**

_**Emily's Pov**_

_Going back to school was tough for Alison. I could tell by how her surroundings were affecting her because I know that underneath all that toughness she has on her face everyday, she gets hurt too. I just want to make sure she's okay, so after school I walked her home. _

_"How was your day?" I ask._

_"Sucked. They put me in environmental science," She rolls her eyes. _

_As we made it to her front door, she wraps her arms around me in a hug. _

_"Ali?" I said._

_"Thank you, Em," She said, pulling away softly, "You're always there for me," Her blue eyes melt into mines and I feel my heart pounding and the sound of it beat drummed to my ears. I wasn't sure if I was getting lost in her eyes, or if she was getting lost in mine. I look away to the floor, breaking the eye contact as I suddenly felt like that shy fifteen year old again. _

_"Always," I said. She gets inside her house and then I make my way home with a grin on my face that I can't seem to get rid of._

* * *

_For the next three days, most of my time been spent with Alison. I even had to cancel on Hanna a few times. And, it was a good three days. I felt like I had some reconnection with Alison. Right now we were just having a marathon of movies and tv shows that she missed out on when she was gone. The sound of my phone woke me up. I look at the tv screen and the tv was still playing while Alison also feel asleep during it, except she fell asleep on my shoulder. I gently move and lay her back on the couch._

_I step outside and answer the phone, "Hello?"_

_"Where have you been?" Hanna asks._

_"I was hanging out with Alison," I said._

_"Oh," She said, "Have you been hanging out with her for the passed week?"_

_I was afraid to answer this question honestly. Hanna could be scary. "She just needs someone right now, every one gives her stares and I just want to here for her," I said. Shit. Was that the wrong answer?_

_"Well, I miss you," She said. _

_My lips curve and I said, "I miss you too. Tomorrow night I'll make it up, okay?" _

_"Okay. I love you, Em."_

_"Love you too, baby," I said and then she hangs up. I get back inside Alison's house and she was still asleep. She looked comfortable, but she also looked like she was missing something. I take her jacket that layed on the floor and set it on top of her for warmth._

* * *

_(the day after)_

_Tonight, I made dinner reservations at the Apple Rose Grille. I was meeting Hanna there, until, Alison showed up at my door. "Em, I need to talk to you," She said. _

_"What's wrong?" I said, feeling worried. I hate that I need to talk to you' thing. It always brings worry and anxiety instantly._

_"Do you remember when I told you that all those kisses and feelings for you weren't really real and that they were just for practice?" She said._

_"How could I forget?" I shrug. I would never forget that. That killed me._

_"I just want you to know that they weren't just for practice," She said. My eyebrows rise and my eyes focus on her, making sure that she wasn't lying._

_"Why are you telling me this now?" I said._

_"I think you might have a pretty good idea, Em," She said, taking steps closer to me, "Those feeling I had for you then, are still in me now," She said, now facing towards me. Her hand intertwined with mine and her face was close to mine. There it is again, my heart beating like crazy. "I know you feel this way too, Em." She said slowly. I felt completely frozen._

_She leans in, but I back away instantly. "Ali," I said, "I'm with Hanna, now"_

_"Then why are you still holding my hand?" She says. I look down and notice how tight I had her hand in mine. She starts to lean in slowly, and that's where I felt the world stop. For once, I didn't know what to do. Do I back away? Hell yeah I do! Emily Fields, you're with Hanna Marin. I back my head away. _

_"We can't," I said, letting go of her hand._

_"I understand," She says, "But I know that somewhere in you, you still feel it, Em. You can't tell me otherwise," It's like her blue eyes were controlling my eyes. Compulsion. I stood still, completely not knowing what to say. She gives a warm smile and walks away. _

_What just happened?_

_It felt like Alison was messing with me again, but this time her feelings seemed real. It was something I wanted to feel for so long before I was with Hanna. I wanted to feel wanted by Alison Dilaurentis. I loved her, but at the time she didn't love me back. Everything feels so... I don't want to feel other than lost or confused. I look at the time and I was running late for my date with Hanna. Honestly, from what just went on right now I can't go out with her tonight. I rather not just sit there, thinking and thinking about the Alison situation while Hanna is sitting right in front of me._

_I crash down on my bed and let a frustrated yell in my pillow. "Sorry, Han. I can't make it tonight, something came up." I sent Hanna the message._

_"Are you okay?" She sends a message back._

_"Yeah, just feeling sick. I'll try making it up tomorrow," I text back._

_"No, you don't have too. Feel better, babe," The words of her text message said._

* * *

_After a whole night of thinking and thinking, I'm scared to think that I actually still have feelings for Alison. At school, we would see each other from a far but have a long eye contact. Just her looking at me like that, with a smile, just makes my heart pump. She walks towards Spencer, Aria, Hanna, and me to sit with us at the lunch table outside. "The only con is coming back to school," Alison sigh, sitting next to Spencer. She was now sitting across from me._

_The next 10 minutes at the table, Spencer, Aria and Alison were just talking. Hanna was feeling sleepy so I let her nap on my shoulder until lunch ended. Our hands were intertwined under the table. I glance over to Alison, who looked both hurt and annoyed. Jealousy was an obvious emotion that read on her face. The bell rings and I softly said, "Han, it's time to wake up,"_

_"I don't wanna," She groans._

_I smile down at her and shake her. She sits up and pouts, then stealing a kiss. Knowing Alison was probably still around, I felt awkward so I pulled away. I tried to play it off with a smile so I don't get Hanna confused. We all get up and walk to our classes. Usually I would walk Hanna to her class, but I had this need to talk to Alison. "I'm going to talk to Ali, see you later" I said, giving Hanna a kiss on the cheek and then walking away._

_"Ali, wait up," I said, fast walking to her. _

_"What?" She scoffs._

_"Whoa.." I said to her weird hostility voice._

_"You know you don't have to rub your relationship in front of me. If you want to me to back off from you, I will," She says, "Just don't try hurting me"_

_The second bell rings and we are late for our class. "I'm not trying to hurt you," I said. The hallways are empty and there wasn't any one around but us._

_"Then what do you want, Em?" She asks._

_"I don't know what I want. It's all confusing-" She cuts my words off with her lips pressed against mines. Again. The world stopped. Her lips slowly moved against mine. I slowly melted into the kiss and I kiss back._

* * *

**Hanna's Pov**

I didn't dare to walk in as soon as I heard her voice. Instead, I just eavesdropped. "What are you doing here, Alison?" Emily's voice sounded nervous.

"I came back to make things up. I should of never left you, Em-"

"It doesn't matter it was months ago," Emily cuts Alison's words off. _Months? Were they together even after I left? _

"Yes it does matter, Emily" Alison says. I peek inside and I can her hand stoking Emily's cheek, "You told me that you loved me and I just left you alone in Paris," _Paris? _"I never been with anyone that told me that and meant it. I was scared because saying 'I love you' was huge. So now I'm going to say it to you, Em," She said, "I love you,"

And that's where I felt my heart drop again. _See what happened Hanna? You should of never came here. _My conscience bites me. I had to get out of here. The more I stay and listen, the more I'll just get hurt. I don't want to feel that type of pain again. I can't ever go through that again. If I was myself two years ago, I would've let myself and my heart break again. Though, I can't do that. I refuse to let myself hurt again. I turn around and walk away to go home.

The car window was half open as I drove home. I let the cold air hit me and I just breathe easily. Only two drops of tears came down my eyes, but I wiped them away calmly. _I promise myself, right now, that I will never go back together with Emily. _This is a promise, I'm willing to keep.

* * *

**Emily's Pov**

If Hanna doesn't come at midnight, I'm sure I'll stay up until 5 in case she showed up. I look at the time and it read 11:15pm. It was the time I heard the doorbell ring. _She came, _I thought. An 8 mile grin goes across my face as I made my way to the door. Before I open the door I let myself calm down and talk a deep breath. I open to the door and the grin on my face dropped.

"Ali?" I said.

"Hey," She said. The first thing I wanted to do was shut the door on her face, but I didn't. Seeing her just gave me feelings that I wanted to burn.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, with my arms crossed.

"Can I come in, Em?" She said. I stepped aside and let her in. I walk up to my room, ignoring that she was in my house. "You're still mad," She sighs following behind me.

"Why are you back?" I said, in a hostile tone.

"I missed you, maybe?" She said in a sarcastic tone. I roll my eyes at her and she says, "Em, don't do that. I'm sorry,"

* * *

_**Emily's Pov (Set after a year and a half when Hanna left)**_

_The first thing we wanted to do was visit the Eiffel tower. So we did. The way she looked at the tower, was beautiful. She loved it. We go back to our hotel room and just lay there together, staring at the ceiling. A lot of french people went up to us and called us 'Lovebirds'. It was probably the only english they knew. _

_She laid on my chest and I had my arms around her. "Ali?" I said._

_"Yeah?" She said, looking up at me. _

_I been wanting to say this since forever, even when we were fifteen. "I love you," I said. Her face looked surprised. She didn't say anything but just kissed me._

_The next morning I woke up and she was gone. I jumped out the bed and look around and her suitcase was gone. There was a note laying around the floor saying, "I'm sorry, but I had to leave."_

* * *

"Ali, you can't just come back and expect things will be okay," I said.

"I know. I been here for a couple days now and I noticed that Hanna's back too," She says with her head down.

"Does that bother you?" I said with my eyebrows furrowed. She steps closer to me and I start to feel my heart beat faster. "What are you doing here, Alison" I ask again.

"I came back to make things up. I should of never left you, Em-"

"It doesn't matter it was months ago," I cut her words off, with my eye staring at the floor.

"Yes it does matter, Emily" She says, having me hand rest on the side of my face._ I hate when she does this. This something she would always do to me when she wants to win an argument._ "You told me that you loved me and I just left you alone in Paris, I never been with anyone that told me that and _meant _it. I was scared because saying '_I love you_' was huge. So now I'm going to say it to you, Em," She said, which causes my eyes become wider. "I love you," Her words made my stomach feel weird.

She leans in to kiss me, but I back away. "I'm going to need time to think about this," I said.

She takes a step back and says, "Take all the time you want," And with that she left. I stare at the time and it read, 11:27pm. Alison being back put pressure back on me like it did when we were in high school and she came back from 'the dead'. Right now before Alison came at my door, I started to feel like Hanna and I were finally going to a good place. _It feels like two years ago all over again._

* * *

**Hanna's Pov**

It was around 10 in the morning where I hear the doorbell go off. Being lazy as I am to get up right away, I groan. I made my way down stairs to open the door. Thinking it was my mom forgetting her keys again, I didn't bother to fix my tank top that covered only half my upper body. I open the door and see Emily. My eyes go wide and I fix my shirt. "Hey," I said.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" She asks.

"A little," I give a small chuckle. "Um, come in," I said, getting out of the way. She walks in and I can smell the coconut perfume she had on. It smelled nice.

"So I guess you made your decision, huh?" She asks.

"Yeah, I did," I said calmly, "I think you and Alison are perfect for each other," I tried my best to not make it sound sarcastic, but failed.

Her eyebrows raised. "So you did show up last night," She says, "Han, you were willing to back together with me?" She sounded like she couldn't believe it.

"Em, I was," I start, "But I saw you and Alison and over heard about something in Paris and she loves you-"

"Alison and I aren't back together, either Han" She cuts off.

"You two have unfinished business, Emily. I thought I was ready to be with you again, but seeing her and you in the same room again made me realize I wasn't," I said.

"I can't say that I don't have feelings for you though-"

"And you can't say that you don't have feelings for her anymore, either," I cut her off. Resisting all urges to say 'I want you', I said, "Choose her,"

"What?"

"Last time I was with you, I was in a competition and didn't know about it," I said, "If you love her, great. Don't let me stop you or get in the way."

She doesn't say anything but look down at her hands. "I'm just not ready to be with you, Em. I hope we could just stay friends." I said. She looks up at me and forces a smile. I know when she does that to tell it's a fake smile.

"Okay, friends." She leans in for a hug. She wraps her arms around my neck tightly. I hug back with the feeling of not wanting to let go. "_Friends.." _I hear her mutter. "I'll be here for you, in case you need it" She said.

* * *

**This chapter was pretty long but as I wrote it, I had a little bit of a song inspiration. In Case by Demi Lovato, you guys should listen to it. I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did! **

**These flashbacks are the practically Emily's POV of her beginning stages of cheating on Hanna. Next chapter, Chapter 1 would be told in Emily's eyes. Like, the night she cheated on Hanna and the other times. Also, I rewrote chapter one to give it more detail. I would really appreciate it if you guys check it out!**

**Thanks! Leave a review!**


	9. Late Realizations

**Author's Note: Sorry for the late update! I been busy in school and such, also I had a small writers block for this story. I just needed to figure out how I wanted it to go out for you guys. I know I said before that this story will probably last around 10 chapters, but it won't. I decided to take you more into the journey of the past and their life in the present. Sorry to keep you guys waiting!**

**One more thing: In this chapter, where I describe Hanna's clothing, it's basically what she wore in 5x19. (or 5x18?) Anyways, I just thought she looked super pretty in that. &amp;&amp; All flashbacks are told through Emily's eyes in this chap.**

**Song Insp: I don't know why but, The Weight by Shawn Mendes and One by Ed Sheeran has inspired me to write this chapter and have ideas for the next ones. You guys should check it out!**

_**Emily's Pov**_

_After a feeling of the need for air after holding our lips together, I open my eyes to see Alison. Alison, aka the girl I shouldn't be having a moment with at all in this empty hallway so I turned around and made my way to my class as fast as I can. _

_What did I just do?_

_How could I do that? Especially to Hanna? I have to tell her as soon as I can, but she's in class right at the moment._

_The moment I walk inside my class, tardy, mostly everyone turned to face my way. "Take a seat, Emily, you're late," Ms. Montgomery said. And so I did make my way to my seat. _

_I couldn't pay attention at all to the notes or the lecture in class at all today. All I could think of is Alison and Hanna. I thought about how the kiss with Alison felt like, and how it felt so good. Feeling her lips against mine brought up so many feelings I had for her before that I couldn't control. Then, Hanna popped in my head. Hanna, my girlfriend. Hanna, the one I love. Hanna, the one that would be broken if she had found out about the kiss._

_It wasn't until after school when I can see Hanna. I have to tell her what happened. The guilt was killing me and I couldn't focus in my classes all day because of that. I waited at her locker, because she usually goes here to put her books away, so I could see her. Not to long from now, is the gorgeous girl that is mine, walking down the hallway with teal jeans and a leather jacket. When she looked up and once she saw me leaning against her locker, she smiles. As she walks closer to me, I get to see her smile more clear. If I tell her, I''ll probably never ever see that smile towards me again. "Hey," She greets me with a kiss on the cheek._

_I can't tell her. _

_It'll destroy her._

* * *

**Hanna's Pov**

"Okay, we can take a break now," I pant, stopping my tracks with my hands resting on my knees.

I start to hear him stifle a laugh. "Han, we only ran past seven houses so far," He said as he hands me a Gatorade.

It's been two weeks since I told Emily to choose Alison. I told myself over and over again to not let it get to me, and instead, move past it. So I started running. Being active and exercising was never ever a Hanna Marin thing to do, but it felt good to just let some steam off and just _run... _With Caleb. Aria didn't seem up for running at all and Spencer was busy exploring new ways to make paint out of scratch or she was going on dates with Toby. I would of called Emily but I still feel like we are at a stage that maybe it's too early for _that_, so that's where I called Caleb. "_That_" As in, seeing Emily sweaty in a tight tank top where I could see her chest. _Just imagining her like that is still a guilty weakness of mine. _He knows what is going on with my life at the moment he has been nothing but supportive. It's just what I needed.

I didn't need any relationship to handle at the moment and I didn't need the tears with the over thinking. I just needed a friend.

"Seven houses? It felt like thirty!" I exclaimed as I tightened my ponytail.

"So Spencer invited me to that bonfire outside the barn, are you going tonight?" He asks continuing his tracks by walking.

Standing up with better posture first, I follow him. "Yeah, it's at around nine," I said.

"Do you want to go together? As friends?" He said, slowly and apprehensively. It was sounded exactly how someone nervous would ask you on a date. All slow and trying to figure out the next word. It was cute.

"Yeah, sure," I said with a smile. He returns a smile then started to run. I roll my eyes and run right behind him saying, "Too fast!"

* * *

_**Emily's Pov**_

_"Hi," I force a smile back at her. _

_"What are you doing here, don't you have swim practice right after school?" She ask whilst putting the combination in her locker. _

_"I-I," I what, Emily Fields? "I just missed you, that's all," I said. Tell. Her. You. Asshole. My heart suddenly pounded and I felt like my head was going to explode._

_She bites her lip down through a smile and said, "How about you skip practice today and we can hang out?" She kinks her eyebrow. I know that sign. If my body didn't feel so much weight because of this guilt, I would say yes, but I couldn't._

_"Uh, I can't. Coach would just kill me," I said as I run my fingers through my hair. _

_"Okay, I'll just see you later then?" She asks, then wraps her arms around my neck._

_"Maybe," I gulp. She leans in and presses her lips against mine. I couldn't back out of this one, her arms trapped me. I slowly kissed back, tentatively. We both slowly pull away and she opens her eyes with a disappointed look. _

_"Are you okay, Em?" She asks. _

_"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Because you kissed back Alison! My thoughts screamed._

_"I don't know, you just seemed weird today," She shrugs._

_"I'm fine," I force yet another smile. "I'll see you later, Han," I gave her a quick kiss on her cheek and particularly speed walked away from her as far as possible._

* * *

After that long and tiring run, I practically pass out on the couch and then woke myself up to get up and shower before leaving to Spencer's. I had on a black circle neck shirt with gold studs on the designed on the shoulder part of it, with a dark purple colored skirt. I had to almost break down my whole house to find my favorite black knee length boots. The doorbell rings and I open the door to see Caleb, who was picking me up to go to Spencer's.

The first look on his face looked frozen, but his eyes where just looking at my outfit and me in it.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, you just.." He pauses, "Look dainty" His teeth flash in a smile and his right hand rubs the back of his neck.

I laugh at his use of words and walk towards his car. When we go to the Hastings' house, Caleb and I walk into everyone watching movies. Everyone as in Aria, Spencer, Toby, Emily, and _Alison. _"Hey, you guys made it," Spencer stands up to greet us, "We're setting up the bonfire later when the stars take over the sky."

"Sounds good," Caleb said.

Alison and Emily were sitting on the couch together. Emily's right hand was interlocked with Alison's, but it clearly looked like they were hiding it. _Looks like she chose Alison, after all._ As my eyes travel, I meet eyes with Alison. Being the new and mature me, I put on a smile and give her a wave. She waves back and Emily turns her head around to look at me. I couldn't stand the awkwardness so I just made my way to Spencer's kitchen, only to break away any stares. I look over my shoulder and everyone looked comfortable. There wasn't much space on the couch since Toby and Spencer were also sitting there with Emily and Alison. Though there was pillows around on the floor so both Caleb and Aria just sat on the floor, using the pillows for comfort.

The movie World War Z was playing. It probably Emily's choice. I know how much she loves the action and zombies in films. I look back at my surroundings in Spencer's kitchen and take the cheesy puffs. I sat in between Aria and Caleb where we faces the left side of the couch, and Emily sat on the right.

* * *

**Emily's Pov**

"_Choose her_." It was as if Hanna's words were repeating over and over again in my head. A part of me would consider going back to Alison but there was a bigger part of me that just wanted no one but Hanna and to just start over again. Then there's that feeling I always get about Alison. I couldn't let go of Alison. She's my first love. She's special to me. The past two weeks I haven't really spoke to Hanna, but I seen her around a lot. Especially with Caleb.

_Are they back together, again? _Is the same question that always seems to pop up in my head when I see them. I would just see them jog around Rosewood from the window in the Brew. A stinging pain of jealousy hit my stomach every time, then I got to thinking that maybe they are together and that's when I decided to get back together with Alison. I went over to her house and she was standing right in front of me, then I rest my hands on her cheeks, my lips pressed against hers right after. It didn't feel the same like before. We decided to be together but on the down low.

Right now, Hanna and Caleb just came to Spencer's. I can't keep myself to looking away from the movie and then bringing my attention to Hanna. She has a cheesy puff in her right hand, slowly feeding it to Caleb. She laughs quietly then brings her attention back to the movie. But Caleb didn't. He looked at her and smiled. He looked at her like she was the ocean and he was desperate to drown. He still loves her.

There it is again. The stinging and the turning feeling in my stomach. I start to feel Alison's thumb caressing my hand and it felt relaxing. I turned to face her and give a warm smile to her.

When the night gets darker and the stars take over the sky, like what Spencer was waiting for, we all made our way outside Spencer's barn. Caleb and Toby were both setting up the firewood and the bonfire set and Spencer and Aria were setting the drinks. It felt cold so I need my jacket that was inside Spencer's living room. As I made my way back inside, I see Hanna in the kitchen.

She was preparing herself a bowl of cheesy puffs and I suddenly felt deja-vu. I swiftly walk behind her and said, "Hey there."

She jumps and then turns around. "You scared the crap out of me!" I laugh at her and she just playfully rolls her eyes. "Not funny," She shakes her head.

"What are you doing in here? The bonfire is going to start any time soon," I said.

"Spence asked me to get some marshmallows and then I found more chessy puffs," She smiles at holds the bag up. I take the bag out of her hands and look at the bag. My eyes go back to her and I hold it up with one hand, "You do know that the orange powder's chemicals will make you break out right?" I said.

She takes the bag back and said, "When has that ever stopped me?" She then takes out a cheesy puff and holds it between her teeth as she pours more into the bowl. I suddenly found myself smiling at her. She turns around with the bowl in her hands and the cheesy puff still in between her teeth.

"What?" She said, catching my stare.

"I just remember that face that's all," I shrug my shoulders, trying to keep cool. Her eyes look down at the cheesy puff and her cheeks turn pink.

"Oh," She laughs shortly.

* * *

_When I woke up in Spencer's room, I found Aria and Spencer still asleep, but Hanna wasn't inside here. Where could she be? Before getting up, I stretch my arms. As I got down stairs I find Hanna opening a bag of cheesy puffs where her back was faced to me. Quietly, I tiptoed over to her. I got closer and closer to her, and once I was right behind her, I slowly snake my arms around her waist with my neck resting on her shoulder._

_"Don't you think it's a little too early for that?" I said, adding a kiss on the side of her neck._

_"Never too early for chessy puffs," She said. She turns her body and her beautiful self was now facing me. She had a cheesy between her teeth, I lean in and bit down half of it. We both chewed down and ate it first before closing the gap between us with a kiss. My hands went down to her hips and I pulled her body closer to mine. Our lips dances together in deeper passion. Her hands were in my hair and I could just feel her hands getting lost in it's tangles._

_We slowly pull away from each other, but our faces still close. "Emily," She slowly said. My eyes locked into her blue ocean eyes. "I love you," She said quietly but enough for me to hear her. It was as if she didn't want me too. It sounded like she was afraid. Why? Was she afraid to lose me with those three words? My face lit up and my eyebrows raised. "Never mind," She tries to escape but the grip of my hands made her stay._

_"Hey, it's okay," I smile, "I love you too." And there it was. The feeling of a new step because we both had said it. Those three small words but they weren't that small if it can make a whole new difference to somebody. _

_"No you don't," She pouts, "You're just saying that."_

_I smile wider and interlock our hands together. "You're really insecure, you know that?" I said._

_"What if you think what I just said was too early? Two months isn't long enough," She looks down. My other hand lifts her chin up._

_"I said it back, didn't I?" I said. She smiles and presses her lips against mines._

* * *

And that was the face with the cheesy puff between her teeth that led to our first "I love you." Her eyes finds mine and for the moment there time stopped. My heart beats slowly but it picked up fast as she tucks her lips in and the dimples in her cheek pop out through a smile. Out of nowhere a hungry pair of lips crash against mines. Arms were wrapped around my neck so I'd be trapped in this kiss. "Okay.." I hear Hanna mutter. My eyes peek and it was Alison.

I push away at her suddenness. Hanna left and now it was just me and Alison in the kitchen. "What was that?" I raise my voice.

"What? Can't kiss my girlfriend anymore?" Alison said sarcastically with a smirk.

"I thought we were going to keeping it low key for a while, Ali?" My eyebrows furrow at her. "And what was that about?" I asked.

She sighs and said, "I'm sorry. Seeing you and Hanna made me jealous, okay?"

My eyebrows raised and I didn't know what to say. Alison Dilaurentis? Jealous? Of anyone? That barely comes around.

"Hey what are you guys doing in here? Come out!" Aria called. Alison and I made our way to the Barn, quietly. We didn't say a word to each other at all. The only noise was the leaves being kicked as we walk.

There were seats around the bonfire and everyone a had a red solo cup with alcohol in it. I made my way to the alcohol first.

"To summer," Spencer said with her cup held up high.

"To summer!" Everyone else repeated and drank.

* * *

Two hours in and the bonfire was still strong. Also the alcohol in my system was kicking in also. Alison decided to go home early since she was having a headache or something. She lived right next door, so she walked her way. Once, Caleb left to the bathroom, I stole his seat next to Hanna.

"Hey," She said.

"Hi, sorry about earlier-"

"Save it," Hanna cuts me off with a soft smile, "Em, don't apologize with being with her. It's okay, I just want you to be happy." I tried to look for all signs for her lying. I listened closely for a stutter and I paid attention to her eyes, trying to see if her eyes wandered. Usually when she lies, her eyes would wander and she would stutter the first word that would come out of her mouth.

This Hanna is so mature it felt scary. Could she have no feelings for me at all, what so ever?

"Okay," I nod and smile back at her. I went back to my seat and wrapped myself around a mini blanket to give myself warmth.

I didn't know why, but I was gluing myself to the alcohol. I needed all the stress to be washed away and I know it was a bad solution but the alcohol was the only option.

Stress as in, I still have feelings for Hanna and I still have feelings for Alison. After all this time, it was still difficult for me to choose. I hear laughing, it was familiar. It was coming from the other side of the bonfire, it was Caleb and Hanna.

_Again. _The feeling of jealousy, but this time it feels more worse because of the alcohol in me that allows me to feel more sensible into emotions. Like laughing or being happy. For example, have you ever seen a movie or a person that is super kind but when is drunk, they would fight with whomever? It was that kind of thing with alcohol with me. The alcohol just allows me to feel more. And in this case, I feel more angry. My eyes were glued to the floor as my head was down. I didn't want to see no more.

They both stand up. "Good night, guys," Caleb said.

"Hanna you aren't staying the night?" Spencer asks.

"No, tomorrow my mom and I are going to spend some time together in the morning. Sorry," Hanna said, with her hands giving herself warmth. Caleb then wraps his jacket around her. At that same moment Hanna met eyes with me.

"Okay, drive safe!" Aria said.

* * *

**Hanna's Pov**

"Han, wait up," I hear Spencer call behind me. Caleb and I stopped and turned around. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I turned my head to Caleb and asked him to wait in the car for me. He walked away and Spencer looked so anxious and her eyes watched Caleb until he was far.

"You okay, Spence?" I asked.

"You guys are back together?" Her eyes are wide but it's a smile at the same time.

"What?" The sudden question surprised me. What would make her think that? "No, we aren't together again, Spencer" I laugh.

"Hanna, honest question," She starts.

"Okay.."

"Did you date anyone at all after Emily? Like a real relationship?"

I knew where this was headed. I was going to say no, which was the truth and she would suggest me to get back together with Caleb.

"Spencer, I know what you're going to say and I'm just not ready to be with anyone yet," I said.

"Okay," She says with her hands up, "Just think about it, Han. It's been two years.." She says, with a wink. All I did was roll my eyes and smile at her attempt to get me back out 'there' in the dating world. "Good night, Spencer" I said before walking away.

As I got in the car, Caleb said, "Ready?"

"You didn't drink that much did you?" I asked.

"Don't worry, Han. I made sure I didn't have a lot to drink so I could drive you home safely," He said, as he turned on the radio.

"Okay," I smile.

He walked me all the way to my front door. Maybe Spencer is right. Maybe I should get back out there? Maybe since I'm different now, being in relationships would be different with me? Besides, Emily is with Alison now. Aria was still with Ezra and Spencer was still with Toby. It had been two years. What is holding me back from being with anyone else, but Emily? Nothing.

"So, goodnight," He said before pulling me into a short hug. As soon as he let go, I softly pulled him back in by his neck and sealed a kiss. Our lips moves together, perfectly. Then there was a sudden large sound of a crash that made us break the kiss.

* * *

**Emily's Pov**

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was me, but seeing Hanna walk away with Caleb made me realize so many things. The main thing was, finally realizing how much of a terrible decision maker I am. I got back together with Alison, when really, I should of been fighting harder for Hanna.

"Aria!" I practically ran to her.

"Yes?"

"Drive me to Hanna's, please," Every part of me wanted to just to see her closer, even if she was right in front of me the whole time.

"I'm just starting to sober up, Em, I can't"

"It'll be quick, Aria, please," I begged.

"Okay, fine" She said, "We'll be back," She says to Spencer and Toby.

We walked over to her car and when we got in she asks, "Why are we going to Hanna's?"

"I just want to see her," I said. I want to see her and I want to kiss her. I want her. And when I have her, it'll all be right. Tomorrow, I'll just tell Alison the truth and being with Hanna could finally feel right.

We parked in front of her house. I quickly took off my seat belt and almost ran all the way to her front door. But I didn't. From a distance, I can see Caleb's hands were on Hanna's sides and her arms were wrapped around his neck.

My heart immediately dropped, then and there.

I turned around and walked back inside the car. "What happened?" Aria asks.

"I was too late," I said quietly. "Can you just take me home?" My sound of my words sounded broken.

"Yeah," She said. Right as Aria started the car and drove, we didn't make it far. The car suddenly pushed us both forward, hard. It case me to hit my head forward , but my body stayed because of the seat belts.

Slowly my vision went away..

Slowly everything went black...

* * *

**AND DONE. In case you didn't understand that last part, another car hit the back of Aria's car. Sorry for going back and forward with the point of views! This chapter was pretty long, but it was long because it was just following up more event in the story.**

**I hope you guys liked it! Leave a review, please.**

**Also, I might have half or the full next chapter where it's only flashbacks, well technically the first chapter but told through Emily's eyes. Is that okay with you guys?**


	10. Lay Me Down

**Note: Flashbacks aren't in order.**

_**Emily's Pov (set two weeks after Hanna moved)**_

_"Hanna.. This is probably my millionth voicemail to you. Please call me. I just want to hear your voice," My raspy voice said. I had been crying for the past two weeks ever since I found out she left. I told Alison that I needed time to think everything out. I pick up the phone and dial her number again. It dialed for about three times, and then straight to voice mail. Every time I hear that dial ring, my hopes gets up for a second then it crumbles down as I get straight to voice mail. I hear a knock on my door, assuming it's mom, I yell at the door saying, "Not now, Mom!"_

_Another knock and I could just feel my blood boil. I get up and as I reach for the door knob. I yell again, "Mom! I said-" I stopped in the middle of my sentence when I saw Aria._

_"Your mom let me in," She said, walking into my room. I close the door behind her and make my way back to my bed with the covers around me._

_"What are you doing here?" I said, staring down to my phone in my hands. My empty phone, where it had no call backs or not even a text from Hanna._

_"I wanted to see how you were doing."_

_"Is Spencer still mad at me?" I ask._

_"Yes," She said, adding a nod._

_I look up to her and ask, "Why aren't you?" _

_"I am," She says sitting on the edge of my bed, "Why'd you do it, Em?" I knew what she was referring to. Why did I cheat on Hanna, the question I knew I was going to get._

_"I don't know," I said, "Ever since Alison came back, I felt like that 15 year old that was in love with her and wanted nothing else but her. Each time I was with Ali, I forgot about everything else."_

_She crosses her arms and sighs. "Spencer knew I was going to come here to see you. She wanted me to ask if you even loved Hanna,"_

_"Of course, I loved Hanna" I said without hesitation._

_"Do you still love Ali?" She asks._

_"I don't know," I say, with my forehead resting against my hand, "I don't know what to say or who to choose. Hanna hates me and I'm not ready to be with anyone right now."_

_"Have you tried calling her?"_

_"Non stop for the passed two weeks," I ask. A light bulb flickered in my head and I immediately said, "Call her"_

_"She hardly answers mine. I would call her and she'd answer but she would always cut conversations short, then hang up," Aria shrugs._

_"Yeah, but try again. If she's not going to answer my calls, she'll answer yours" I suggest._

_She takes out her phone from her back pocket and dials her number on speaker phone. "Hello?" There it is. The voice I thought I would never hear again. Even though Hanna finally answered the phone but her voice sounded completely shattered. I hurt her so bad that she had probably been crying her eyes out. I know her, so I know it's true. _

_"Hey, Hanna," Aria said, "Are you busy?"_

_"No," Hanna sniffles. I was holding back every urge just to talk to Hanna at the moment, because I know she'll just hang up._

_"Hanna, when are you coming back?" Aria asks._

_"Are you alone?" Hanna asks. Aria looks up to me and I shake my head 'Yes'._

_"Yeah," Aria said._

_She sighs and says, "I don't think, I'll be coming back for a while, Aria"_

_"Han, you can't just start a new life there-"_

_"It's easier being here, then seeing Emily or Alison!" Hanna cuts Aria off, "I loved her, Aria. Then, I saw her sneaking around with Alison from Spencer's window and then I walked in on them with their tongues down each other's throats!" Her words hit me hard. My eyes widen at the fact that Hanna knew about Alison and I before that night. Aria looks up to me and shakes her head at me, disappointed. "What's even worse is that she lied to my face," She loses her voice. "Over and over again.."_

_"Take all the time you need, Hanna" Aria said, shooting me another glare._

_"Hanna! I'm sorry! Please come back," I said. I couldn't hold it in, and it was also dumb for me to say that because that's the only thing I could even think of saying. _

_"Was that Emily?" She asks._

_Aria sighs, "Yes."_

_"_Wow_. Bye Aria." And with that she hung up. I run my fingers through the top of my head and bury my face in my hands._

_"Em." Aria said sternly, "How long were you cheating on Hanna?"_

_"Aria please, don't hate me too." I start to feel hot tears run down my cheeks. I look up to her and she takes a deep breathe before wrapping her arms around me for a hug. _

_"Never," She said._

* * *

**No Pov (Hanna's side)**

As soon as Hanna heard a crash, she was curious. _What was that? _She walks outside to the drive way with Caleb following behind her, there was a two cars crashed into each other. She knew right away that the silver car that was hit from the back was Aria's. Her heart beats quick as the adrenaline kicked in and her legs took control, and ran closer to the car. Aria looked unconscious and so was the person that sat in the passenger seat. It was _Emily. _She felt her own heart shatter, "Caleb! Call an ambulance!" She screamed. Emily's forehead was bleeding and Aria's face was against the steering wheel.

"Aria!" She opens the car door and lays Aria back to see her face. Aria's head was bloody but she wasn't unconscious. "Is Emily.. Is she okay.." She says weakly.

"An ambulance is coming, you guys will be okay," Hanna said. Aria nods her head and closes her eyes.

"Keep your eyes open.. Please!" Hanna's broken voice said. Aria slowly opens them again and said, "Check on Emily, Han"

She opens the car door on the other side and has her hands on Emily's face, "Emily?" Her voice was so shattered and broken, she couldn't control the hot tears coming down her eyes. "_Emily_! Please wake up," She cried softly.

Caleb came to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her away and further from the vehicle that contained Aria and Emily. "What are you doing?" She raises her voice. "I need to be by her side," She tries to fight her way out of Caleb's arms but Caleb just held her down. "Caleb!" She yells.

"Hanna! You need to give them space so they can take them to the hospital," He said.

The paramedics came and carried Aria and Emily into the ambulance. Hanna pulls away from Caleb's arms and runs towards the ambulance. The paramedics had Emily and Aria so quick that Hanna couldn't catch up and ride with them. She turns her head back to Caleb. She buries her face inside her hand and cries in it until she felt Caleb's arms around her to let her cry inside his chest softly. "Come on, I'll drive." He said.

* * *

Everything feels like it was falling. As she steps foot inside the hospital, running through the white halls, she finds a nurse behind a computer. Her breathing was heavy but she had to force the words out of herself, "Where is she?!" Her body felt heavy, but her head felt so light.

"Where is who?" The woman behind the computer said.

Hanna couldn't speak, her breathing became unsteady and her hands rest on top of her head to breath easier.

"Emily Fields and Aria Montgomery," Caleb said.

"They are in the emergency room, you both will have to wait here for a while until further notice," The woman said.

"You want us to _wait_?!" Hanna shouts. The frustration of not knowing if Emily or Aria would be okay, hell, _alive, _was taking over her.

"Han," Caleb said with a soft tone. He turns Hanna to face him and says, "They are going to be alright, okay?" He finds her eyes and it seems to calm her. "We can stay here until we hear back from them, Even if it takes all night."

Warm tears run down her eyes slowly and he pulls her into his arms. She held on tight and lets herself cry into his chest once more.

* * *

**Emily's Pov**

_Where am I? _The room was white, but blurry because I had just opened it. As my eye vision slowly regains it's vision I noticed where I was. It was a hospital room. I look down and find myself in a blue robe, then I feel something tight on my head. _Medical tape. _To my right, there's a blond head of hair with her head down, napping on her arms. It was Hanna.

I could just feel myself grin automatically at her. "Hanna," I said, waking her up lightly. She picks her head up and smiles wide. "Hey sleepy head," I say.

"You're up!" Hanna smiles and practically jumps to hug me. I wouldn't mind her holding me tight if I didn't feel my head pulsate.

"Okay, ow," I said and she backs up quick with her hands up.

"Sorry," She says. I smile and laugh softly at her. _God, I love her. _"The man in the other car was fine and he thinks the whole thing is his fault so he isn't pressing charges, even if Aria and you had alcohol in your systems."

"How's Aria?"

"Just bumps and bruises, but she's fine." She says, before she put on a worried face. "Are _you _okay? What were you doing in front of my house anyways, Em?" She asks with her hand held in mines, tight.

"I came because.." It's like all the things I wanted to say to her, all erased from my brain. It felt like pressure, suddenly. Do I tell her that I want to her back? Do I start with how much I love her? What. Do. I. Say. First.

She raises both of her eyebrows slowly at me, waiting for a response. So I went out the first thing that came to my head and said, "I missed you."

"Missed me?"

"Yes."

She sits up and loosens the grip of her hand in mines. "Well, I been back for a while now," She shrugs, adding a half smile to it.

"I know that, Han. I just miss _you._" I say with my thumb circling her hand, "I miss being with you, so much. I miss the way you would always light up when I call you 'babe' or 'baby'. I-"

"Em," She cuts me off, "It's been two years." Her hand slides away from mines and she runs her fingers through her hair.

"I still feel this way about you, no matter what time of day or year it is," I said, "And I know you still do too! When I kissed you, you kissed back and it felt so good. You can't say you don't still have feelings for me."

Hanna's eyes wander around the room and then she finds interest at fidgeting her hands. "You're right, I do." She said and in that moment I felt my heart pick up it's speed until she said, "But, I'm not ready to be with you, Em."

"I'm different, Han. I'm never going to make the same mistakes," I said.

"Emily, I believe we can find our place. Maybe not now, but in the future. For now I just need you as a friend," She said with her eyes locked on mine.

"I don't know if I could handle that," I said with looking away from her.

The calming touch on her hand rested on the side of my face and turned my sight back to her. "Just give it time, okay? We'll find our place again one day," She said with watery eyes.

"What if we don't? What if you fall in love with Caleb all over again?" I ask.

"No matter what happens," She said softly. She leans in and presses her soft warm lips against my cheek. I fall into her gaze but that slowly broke away as she walks away to the door.

"I love you," I said which made her stop her tracks. It felt like it was the only thing I could say. She slowly turned around and I could see the tears was running down her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly.

She forces a smile and said, "I know." And with that she walked out the door.

* * *

Two days later, the hospital released Aria and I since our injuries weren't too severe. My mom had came home from Texas as soon as she heard I was in the hospital so she had been taking care of me and checking up on me every two seconds even if I was okay. Right now, I just laid in my bed, while watching tv. However, it was hard to do that when all I could think about was Hanna and how the situation went down in the hospital earlier. Hanna and Spencer came by once in a while also just to check up on me.

There was a knock at my door, and before I could even ask who it was the door opens. "Emily sweetie, you have company," My mom said, stepping aside the doorway to reveal Alison. My mom walks away and Alison walks in, closing the door behind her.

"How are you?" She asks, taking a seat on the computer chair near my bed.

"I'm okay," I said. Looking at her made me feel guilty. She needs to know the truth about how much I love Hanna. "We need to talk-"

"I know," She interrupts me. "Once I heard that you were in the hospital, I came as soon as possible. I walked inside the room you were in and I saw Hanna sitting by your side just waiting for you to wake up. She loves you Em, and I know you still love her too."

"I'm sorry, Ali" I didn't know what else to say.

"I understand, Emily," She said, standing back on her feet.

* * *

_**Emily's Pov **_

_The cold air causes goosebumps to rise from my skin as I out the school to go home. The breeze felt like it was freezing my skin now even though I had a hoodie and my pants on. My legs were sore and so was my back and shoulders from swimming practice. I worked extra hard tonight in practice, not to show off to my team mates or to my coaches when I broke another speed record, but for me. It's like the guilt of kissing back Alison was eating me alive. I turn and walk towards the parking lot in the side of the school, and to my surprise Alison was leaning against my car door._

_"Hey," She said._

_I stand in front of her. "What are you doing here?"_

_"I figured that you were going to avoid me from now on, I should come to you by surprise." She said with a mischievous smile. I put on my serious face which made her drop her smile._

_"We can't do this, Ali. Especially to Hanna," I said._

_She takes a step closer to me. I could take a step back if my brain was working but it feels like my feet was glued to the floor and that I was okay that she was this close to me._

_"Emily, don't even try to fight it," She says, "I know you still feel this way too." Her face was suddenly inches away from mine. Our eyes were locked until she looks down to my lips and leans in. She kisses me slowly and gently, causing me to forget everything like the fact I was with Hanna. I melted in her lips and responded with a harder kiss. Her arms circled around my neck with her hands getting tangled in my hair. Without breaking the kiss, I push her against the car door and it was like a whole different me that did this. My lips starts to dominate her neck and my right hand searches for the button on the car keys to unlock the car. _

_We get inside the back seat and everything happened to quickly. Clothes were being ripped off each other and thrown around in my car. _

* * *

**So sorry for the long wait. In case you're confused in that last flash back, it's continuing where Emily starts to cheat on Hanna in the last chapter. Pretty short chapter, I know. Don't worry, I'll try my hardest to make it up to you guys but exams are coming up soon and so I will do my best to make time for writing! **

**Leave a review if you may please!**


	11. The Worst

_**Emily's Pov**_

_"Babe, sorry, I can't come over right now. I'm studying for a huge Physics test," I said, while Alison was starting to leave trails of kisses on the side of my neck. I push her away with a smile, but her lips came running back. _

_"You have been so busy with swimming and studying, Em," Hanna said over the phone, "I miss you. How about tomorrow? My mom is leaving for a business trip and we can have the whole house to ourselves!" She excitingly said. _

_"Get off the phone," Alison whispers and lightly bites my other ear. Distracted by Alison's lips pressing against my neck again, I almost forget that I was on the phone with Hanna._

_"Hello?" Hanna said._

_"Yeah?" I said as if I woke up from sleeping in class._

_"So tomorrow after school?"_

_Alison straddles my lap and lifts her shirt over her head. "May- maybe," I said, getting distracted by Alison unbuttoning my shirt. "Okay, bye Han," I said before hanging up the phone. Once I look up at Alison her lips dropped down and kissed mine._

* * *

It's been a whole month since the accident and Hanna is back with Caleb. _Hooray._ Every once in a while, Hanna visits me here at the Brew. We always have a short and friendly conversation, but it ends once the person behind her asks for me to hurry up so I could take their order instead. And Alison? We agreed to staying friends but I haven't seen her around lately.

After everything that has happened, all I want for Hanna is to be happy. Even if I wished it was me in that position to make her happy so I could make up all the tears and pain I gave her. The door opens, bringing in the cold wind inside but it goes away as the door shuts. Hanna had just walked in the Brew with Caleb. Their hands were locked together but Hanna lets go as soon as she see me.

"Hey," She said at the other side of the counter. Caleb gives me a wave and then make makes his way to the chairs.

"Hi," I said. She had on a dark blue jean jacket on and black jeans. "Did you turn over all your dresses for jeans? I chuckle.

"Are you checking me out?" She gasps with her hand over her mouth, then laughs.

I return a laugh and in this short moment in my head I admire every second of it. "What would you like to order, Han?"

"Two medium coffees," She said, reminding me Caleb was with her.

She hands me a $10 dollar bill. I take the money from her hand, accidentally touching fingers. I glance at her and she looked nervous. Her eyes were a little bit wider and she was breathing faster from the looks of her chest going in and out.

"Coming right up," My hand slips away from hers and I turn my back against her quickly to try to avoid any more awkwardness. I filled up to medium coffee cups and once I turned around, I could just hear my heart crack. Hanna was sitting next to Caleb with his arm around her and his lips kissing her cheek repeatedly. I take a deep breath in and set the coffees down on the other side of the counter where customers usually pick up their orders. "Um, Han," I said. It was like the sound of my voice could easily take her attention because she turned her head towards me quickly. I point at the coffees and she got up and away from Caleb's arms to pick it up.

I turn to the register and put the money inside, giving back Hanna three dollars.

"No it's okay," She says with both of the coffees in her hand and Caleb behind her, "Are you coming over to Spencer's tonight? It's movie night."

"Yeah," I said, while adding the three dollars in the register.

"See you later then," She said.

"Bye," I wave at the two of them. They walk away to the door. He has his hand on her waist as he opens the door for her. I couldn't myself but stare. People say if you don't like what you're seeing then it's better to lock away. It's like I'm hurting myself on purpose.

"Tell her how you feel!" A familiar voice shouted at me. I turn to my right and Aria was standing right in front of me out of nowhere.

"What the hell, Aria?" My eyes widen, "How-, when did you get here?"

"I was here before your shift started an hour ago on the other side of the room from you," She says, "Anyways, you have to tell her how you feel!"

"Aria, I did. At the hospital and she said she isn't ready to be with me," I shrug, "Besides, shes with Caleb now."

"Em, I saw that hand touch. You both look like you were paused and couldn't see anything else but each other."

"She's with Caleb now," I remind her again, "She probably has no interest in anything or anyone but him," It's true. When Hanna was first with Caleb, they were pda-ing everywhere and all of her attention was to him. Well before she fell for me, _of course._

"Em, ever since she got back she looks at you like your stars. When she came to us at the accident, she was begging for you to open your eyes. She may not be ready to be with you yet, but she's still obviously in love with you," Aria said, bringing me a new level of confidence.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

The first thing that came to my head was taking back Hanna. If she really does love me, then no one else should be in that photo. Then, I started to have my doubting thoughts take over.

"Hanna's happy with Caleb, and that's all that matters."

"Yeah, but how could you go one living knowing that the person you love is 'happy' with someone else?" Aria raised one eyebrow.

I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. She was right and she made fully realize that if I wanted Hanna to be happy it should be me.

* * *

_Once the door opens, a happy Hanna appears. Suddenly, I felt so much guilt and I just want to turn away from Hanna and run. If she knew about Alison and me, she'll break up with me and I don't want that at all. The feeling or thought of Hanna not being with me destroys me. So why am I even sneaking around with Alison?_

_Her arms are circle around my neck and pecks my cheek with her lips._

_"Han.." I laugh and rest my hands on her hips, settling her down. _

_"I know it's only been a week, but we usually hang out everyday, so it felt like forever," She said before walking over to the couch. I follow behind her and sat down._

_"Sorry, I know it's been a while. Coach just has me practicing extra to make sure I beat all the other schools," I said slowly, trying to think of the next word in that lie when I was really spending my time with Alison._

_"It's okay," She says, sitting beside me, "Tell me how it was, did your coach slip and fall from a puddle again?" She laughs._

_"Almost," I chuckle._

_The laughter slowly faded away and she rests her hand on the side of my face. She slowly leans in and kisses me. It was gentle and it grew with a more deeper passion. She makes her way on top of my lap and lifts her shirt over her head. All I could think of is how wrong this was and I could only hear my conscience screaming at myself saying, "Tell her about Alison!"_

_She was going to lean in to kiss my neck, but I stop her. "Wait," I said._

_"What's wrong?" She said. _

_"I don't think we should do this right now," I said. _

_"Why not? It's been almost two months since our first and only time," She said._

_"I know, but I'm just tired. It's been a long day," I said, giving a kiss on Hanna's chest. I take her shirt and hand it back to her. _

_She looks at me and puts on a half weak smile before taking the shirt. She got off my lap with her shirt back on, but she became quiet. Her eyes and attention stayed back at the tv, and I knew I upset her. I rest my head on her shoulder and stared at her until she looked at me. She never did. _

_"Are you mad?" I said with my arms wrapped around her waist._

_No response._

_"Hanna.." I wrap my leg over hers. "I'm sorry," I said, giving her a long kiss on her cheek. "Baby.." I quietly said, which brought her attention to me._

_"It's just that you been acting off lately," She said._

_"How?"_

_"I don't know.. The short conversations on the phone, the late practices, and this," She sits up, causing my head slip away from her shoulder. "I'm starting to think that you're getting tired of me."_

_"I'm not tired of you," I said, caressing her hand. "I just been-" I was first going to say the truth. I was going to say I been spending time with Alison, but I couldn't. "I just been busy, but I'm here now," I said instead. She comes closer to me and kissed me. _

_"I love you," She said._

_"You tell me that everyday," I smile._

* * *

_That whole night with Hanna was just filled with cuddling and slowly falling asleep during the movie. The pain of guilt punching me in the stomach as Hanna leans in to kiss my neck every once in a while was the worst, because Alison had been doing that to me lately. The next day at school during lunch, it felt like all feelings of guilt went away as Alison drags me in the bathroom right before 5th period had started and takes me of over with her compelling kisses. After school, I told Hanna that I was going to be practicing late again. She was not amused at all, she was disappointed. But I was keeping Alison waiting, so I didn't talk to Hanna more after that. "Don't forget about our date tonight!" Hanna said right before I made my way to "practice". _

_I had to make sure Hanna left home first before I left school to drive over to Alison's house. Before I could make a second knock on Ali's door, she opens it and drags me inside. My lips automatically attach to her neck and already, groans escaped her lips._

* * *

_I open my eyes and see a sleeping Alison to my right with her bare body covered by the blankets. I look over at my phone and check the time. It was 9:30pm. _

_Shit! Our date was at 8:30pm._

_I also had received 10 minute old messages from Hanna asking me where I was. I reply to her message quickly, "I can't make it tonight sorry baby." And send._

_During school the next day, I noticed the empty seat in English next to me. Where is Hanna? The bell rings for lunch, and usually I would visit her to see what was wrong. Hanna missing school is never because she's "sick." It's usually her staying up late watching tv marathons, not knowing what to wear so she stays home instead, or because she was sad. Seeing Hanna would just make me feel more terrible about myself, so that's why I had been keeping my distance away from her. It's just that this feeling I have with Alison make me feel like I'm stuck in love with her and it was easy for Ali to get my mind off anything else._

_It was around 10 at night where I felt to myself that Hanna probably needed me. It took me an hour to take myself over to her house. _

_And here I am, standing at her front door at eleven o'clock at night. I knock the door and her mom opens it. "Hi, Emily?" She greets._

_"I'm sorry to come here late, but I just need to see Hanna," I said._

_She steps aside and lets me in. "Thank you," I said, making my way upstairs to Hanna's room. I stand at her front door, with my hand hesitating to touch the door knob. Slowly, I turn the knob and walk inside her room. She's sleeping. I sit beside her and rest my hand on top of hers._

_Her eyes open and her face lights up. She hugs me tightly, "I love you.. I love you so much, Emily Fields." She said beside my ear._

_I didn't know what to say but return the "I love you," with "Baby," added to it. I said it like I was holding it back and regretted it, but I didn't._

_She lies back down on her bed. I follow, with my arms holding her. It was like that the whole night. She seemed to fall asleep faster when I was there. With my arm wrapped around her waist, her hand was intertwined with mine. I tentatively slide away from her body to walk out the door. I start to feel a stinging pain that made me walk back to Hanna. I press my lips against her forehead and whispered, "I'm sorry.."_

_And then I left.._

* * *

**_(the next day)_**

_"Em.." Hanna walks up to me at the lunch table that had Spencer, Aria, and Alison sitting in it._

_"Yeah?" I look up to her._

_"Can we talk?"_

_"Yeah, sure," I said, standing up and following her to the brick walls away from the lunch table. "What's up-"_

_"Do you still have feelings for Alison?" She cuts me off. My eyes grow wider and my jaw clenches. Does she know?_

_"Wh-What? No," I said, "I already have someone special in my life, Han. And it's you." I press my lips against hers. At the same time the bell rings and it was a great timing too. I thought I was going to explode._

* * *

_Later after school I went over Alison's. The whole reason why I went here was to put an end to sneaking behind Hanna's back. However, once I got there it was like she took my breath away. "Ali.. We need to talk.." I said, trying to ignore this desiring feeling I have as she moves her hands along my lower abdomen._

_"About?" She said with a smirk._

_"This is serious.." I said, settling her hands away from me._

_She takes a step back and says, "Okay, what?"_

_"I don't think we should do this anymore. Hanna's starting to suspect us," I said._

_Her hands slide down my arm to my hand, and she pulls me closer. "Oh, Emmy.." She said mischievously, "I could do a lot of more things Hanna can't." She smiles._

_Just her words take over me and I find myself breaking, then I press my lips against her neck. She practically rips off my shirt to get more contact of my grip of my hands take her legs around my waist and we fall back on to her bed._

* * *

_Coming down the hallways, I see Hanna stumbling her way to her locker. A jock helps her to her feet, with his hands on her elbows. My eyebrows immediately creases and make my way to her. "Ahem.." I said to Hanna and the jock. I think the death glare I sent him enough to scare him because he looked very frightened. "I was just trying to help.." The jock said._

_"Well she isn't your problem." I snapped at him. My attention goes back to Hanna, who is giggling for no reason. From a feet away, I could smell the alcohol on her. I hold her by her arm and dragged her to the parking lot._

_"Did you drive here?" I ask._

_She didn't say anything but stared at the floor._

_"I'm taking that as a 'yes'," I said, taking her purse, "You could of got hurt, Han!" I raise my voice. I take her car keys out of her bag and gently settle her inside. Once, I get in the driver's seat, her head was against the window. _

_"So why did you get drunk?" I ask. She still didn't say anything. "Han, why?" I ask again. _

_Nothing._

* * *

**_(day after that)_**

_"Hey Em, where's Hanna?" Spencer asks after the bell rang of first period._

_"I have no idea," I sigh._

_"She's acting weird lately. She ran out my house crying a few days ago and she hasn't been returning any of my calls or texts," Spencer said. Then, Hanna walked in the class that just finished. Her hair was all messed up and she came in her pajamas. _

_"Han," I walk up to her._

_"Jeez, Hanna. Have you been drinking? I bet I could smell that from a mile away," Spencer said._

_"Why are you late?" I asked,_

_"And why were you drinking?" Spencer added._

_Instead of answering any of our questions, she walks away. "Han.." I reach out for her arm, but she tugs it away like I was an infectious disease._

_"Have you lost your mind?" I snap. Then there she goes again, walking away._

* * *

_A couple days go by and I haven't heard from Hanna. And all the anger I had from being ignored by her was all fixed as I had Alison's body to take out all my stress. "What if she needs someone right now?" I sighed. Alison was just behind me on my bed, giving me small kisses on the side of my neck._

_"Em, all you been talking about is Hanna, she probably needs space," She said._

_"Space from what? She doesn't know about us," I said, turning my face to her._

_"I don't know," Alison shrugs. "But hey, let's not talk about her anymore.." She said right before pressing her lips against mines. I slowly kiss back, but the light of the other room shined on us. I pull away and turn to the door._

_It was Hanna. Hanna was standing right there at my door with her hand covering her mouth. My eyes widen and I felt my heart stop for a moment. Her eyes meet mine and I could see the brokenness into them. It was something I never wanted to see from her, especially because I caused it. Hanna runs out, and once I make my way off this damn bed, Alison stops me._

_"Just let her go," Alison said._

_"Are you crazy?!" I said, pushing her hands away from me. I run out the door to find her making her way inside her car. "Hanna!" I yell, running for her. It went to a point where I was just saying random things I didn't know the answer to, but I had to in case it stopped her tracks. "I can explain!" I shout. She drives away, but I was still running. I had to get to her. I have too. _

_She picks up her speed, until I could no longer catch up. I fall to my knees in the middle of the road and bury my face in my hands. I broke her.._

* * *

It was a normal movie night at Spencer's, where we all sat in her room on the floor with the tv on plus snacks, and to make tonight more fun, Aria brought alcohol. After 7 shots, Spencer was dancing and running around her room quoting Shakespeare. "Oh, to pee or not to pee!" Spencer slurred as she stumbles to the bathroom. Aria holds on to her stomach and laughs really hard before getting up and helping Spencer back on her feet.

"Don't touch me, you _Montague_!" Spencer shouts as she runs away from Aria.

"God, I haven't seen her this high on Shakespeare in so long," Hanna laughs and shakes her head.

I sit closer next to Hanna, taking Aria's spot on the floor. "Well, that's what you get for leaving for so long," I raise my eyebrows at her.

She takes a pillow and whacks it against my face. One of her eyebrows rises with a smug smile. I knew that face. It was a face of _war. _I take two pillows and start to attack Hanna. She fights back with the sound of her sweet laugh. "Okay.. Em.. Stop!" She shouted between laughs.

"Nope!" I said, beating Hanna up with a pillow more. I suddenly found myself straddled on her with two pillows in my hands.

"Okay you win," She breathes out. Her eyes looks down and she realizes that I was on top of her. Her cheeks turn pink and she goes, "Um.."

"Sorry," I said, making my off of Hanna's lap. She sit backs up and takes a shot of vodka.

"Want one?" She offers.

"Not really," I said

"You had barely drank tonight, Em. What's up?" Her shoulder bumps mine.

"I just have a lot of things in my head, that's all," I shrug. The only thing that had been in my head the whole day was Hanna. I told myself before that I wanted her back, and I'm not going to give up on that. I couldn't tell if it was stressing me or anything. The feeling of getting Hanna back would be so amazing, but at the same time she had just got back together with Caleb a month ago. It would always leave me in a situation where I don't know what to do.

"What's going on?" She asks.

Instead of replying or even thinking, I let my body do the talking. I scout back closer to Hanna and place my hand on top of her cold hands. She looks down at my sudden hand touch, but I turn her sight back to me by having my other hand turn her face. She seems to be falling into my gaze just as I was melting inside her blue warm eyes. I slowly leaned in...

* * *

_(Set after Hanna left to Oklahoma)_

_Ever since Hanna left to live with her Nana, Spencer was practically gone too. She was still ignoring me, and Aria become the messenger. "Can you tell Spencer to call me back?" I ask Aria over the phone._

_"Em, she's just going to send me that angry Hasting's glare again if I ask that again," She said. _

_"Fine," I said, "Don't tell her, but I'm on my way over to her house right now."_

_"Last time you did that, she shut the door at your face," Aria reminds me._

_"It'll be worth another try," I said, before hanging the phone up. _

* * *

_Once I got to her door that entered her kitchen, I knocked on it three times. Since the door was see through, it was clear that Spencer was ignoring me. She just looked up and away._

_"Spence, open the door," I said. She walks over and opens it, "What?"_

_"I'm sorry," I said, "I wasn't thinking and I wanted to tell her but I didn't-"_

_"She came out my house crying, Emily. She was standing out my window and ran past me. I went to see what ever she saw, and all I saw was nothing." She said, "Then it turns out to that you were cheating on Hanna with Ali all this time," She scoffs._

_"I know what I did," I said, "I just don't want you to be pissed at me."_

_"You drove our best friend- your girlfriend, miles away because you broke her heart!" She says, "Of course I'm pissed. You were all Hanna could talk about, she would be happy every time your name was mentioned."_

_I drop my face in my hand and feel the tears dropping in them. "I'm sorry," I said, wiping away the tears. "I lost Hanna, and I can't stand to lose you too, Spencer."_

_I feel her arms wrap around me, allowing me to tear softly in her shoulder. "I just miss her," Spencer said._

_"I do too."_

* * *

"Don't kiss him, Juliet, he's a Montague!" The loud voice of Spencer causes me to jump away from Hanna. I turn my sight back to Hanna, who was staring down at her hands. "Guys, a little help here!" Aria calls out.

I look over at Spencer who was getting held down by Aria. "Spencer said she was going to call Toby so his basilisk can enter her chamber of secrets," Aria said, with a disgusted face.

"God, Spence, you are such a lightweight." Hanna said before helping Aria up and taking Spencer to bed.

"Whoa, Han, don't need to tuck me in," Spencer said and then whispers loudly, "It'll make Emily jealous!"

Hanna glances over to me and back at Spencer. Aria starts to tie Spencer's ankles together, causing me to be confused. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"In case she starts to run around again," Aria said.

Spencer looks up at Aria and said, "I don't remember this part in 50 Shades of Grey?"

We all burst in laughter, while Spencer lays there confused.

* * *

**Hanna's POV**

I was the first one to wake up. Though, I don't think the words "wake up," counts if I had barely slept last night anyways. Blocking out all the feelings I still have for Emily kept me awake. Earlier, she was going to kiss me and I was going to let it happen. I don't know how she does it but, in alone situations like that, she makes me feel like no one else exists in the world.

The sound of the toaster goes off and the crispy bread pops up. "Han?" I hear Emily's voice call my name.

"Yeah?" I turn around and see her coming down the staircase.

"What are you doing up before noon?" She walks towards me.

"Didn't get much sleep," I said, going through Spencer's fridge to find lettuce, ham, and tomatoes to make myself a sandwich. She pours herself a cup of orange juice and walks towards the fireplace. She sits in front of it. So peaceful looking. I grab a plate and my sandwich to join her. I sit with my legs crossed beside her.

"I been meaning to ask you something ever since I got back," I say, "I just didn't know when the right time was."

"Shoot."

"Where did I go wrong?" I ask.

"What?" She creases her eyebrows.

"Where did I go wrong, when we were together?" I ask again.

"Han, you did nothing wrong," She creases her eyebrows, "You were great. Probably the best girlfriend anyone could ask for." My lips curve into a small smile. I look into the fireplace and watch the wood slowly burning.

"I'm sorry, Hanna." She said. I look at her and she looked full of remorse. "I'm sorry I messed up and hurt you," She says, scouting closer to me.

"Emily, we don't have to talk about it," I said, "It's okay."

"No, it's not," She says, with her eyes wandering around the room, "I hurt you and it killed me."

I didn't know what to say. I also didn't know if I wanted to talk about this at all or if I did. Without thinking, I said lowly, "Why'd you do it?"

"When I was with Alison, I didn't think at all. I didn't think about the people I would effect when I was sneaking around with her, because I felt like I was fifteen again," She said, which causes me to roll my eyes. "When Alison disappeared there was always a part of me that held on those feelings for her because I could never let them go-"

"Because she was your first love," I cut her off with a sigh.

She hold my hands in hers and her eyes were glued to mine. "When you walked in that night, I saw the hurt in your face.. The hurt that I caused you.."

"Emily stop," I said, looking away from her. My head felt like it was going to explode and I did my best to hold back what it feels to be a waterfall in my eyes. I feel a tear slowly running down my eyes but I wiped it away quickly.

"It's not that I lost feelings for you, Han. It was never like that, I was just distracted and lost," She says, "When I found out you left I was broken because I lost you and it felt like I lost Aria and Spencer too. You have no idea how much I regret hurting you-"

"You didn't hurt me," I cut her off, "You practically killed me. I loved you so much and you broke my heart.." I said quietly. I told myself to not be weak like this ever again, but here I am telling Emily how I felt.

"I know," She drops her head. "But when you came back, you were different. You had this new version of you that brought confidence and it made me fall for you all over again." She has her head back up and turns my gaze to her eyes. "I love you," She softly said.

I wanted to say it back but I couldn't. I can't ever go back to that pain, I told myself this. "I have to go," I said, getting up and walking away. To the corner of my eye, I see Spencer and Aria hiding on the staircase, they probably heard everything. I grab my jacket form the couch and walk out the door.

* * *

I bang my fist repeatedly on the trailer door. "Hey, hey!" I hear Caleb saying on the other side of the door. He opens the door with a frown on because I was seconds away from busting the door down. Before he even said a word, I smashed my lips against his. He responded slowly, but pulled me inside when he did. My hands search for his skin under his shirt. I roam around his abs and pull his shirt over his head. "I thought you wanted to wait?" He said as I began sending kisses on to his neck.

"I couldn't," I said , lifting my shirt over my head.

This is an escape from my problems other then alcohol. _I need this._

* * *

**Drunk Spencer was my favorite part of writing this (:. I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I'm sorry for the slow update! Leave a review please!**

**To guest, Andi, yes the title was meant to be a Sam Smith song haha. Most of my chapter titles are song lyrics or titles if you guys noticed.**


	12. Glazed Eyes, Empty Hearts (Take Me Away)

**Notes: First of all, thanks for the feedback on the previous chapter! I had been waiting for a long time to write Emily's POV of the first chapter myself also. As for this chapter..I had always wanted to write a college au things... ;)**

* * *

"Where's Emily?"

Instead of answering the question, Spencer and Aria glance over to each other. Aria raises her eyebrows to Spencer, signaling her to answer the question.

"Hello?" Hanna said, wondering if her friends became deaf or maybe that they didn't hear her over the loud muffled music blasting behind the closed doors.

Spencer didn't say anything, but opened the door. "She's.." Spencer said, but couldn't finish because Hanna walked right passed her and into the Frat house. The house was big and nice but trashed and filled with wasted people. To the far right, there's a crowd surrounding a table where a standing, but stumbling girl- _Emily_ was on top of it. She walks towards it, scratching her head.

"Let's get this party fucked up in here!" Emily shouts as she takes her shirt off and the whole crowd cheers louder, with the bass drop of a song pumping louder. Her eyes grow wide, not just because Emily was wasted on a table and took off her shirt, but took it off while she had the front row view of it. _God, she's so fit._

* * *

**Earlier**

"Em?"' She hears Aria call from the staircase, walking towards her with Spencer at her side.

She doesn't answer back. Instead, she stares at the door where Hanna stormed out of. How could she be so reckless? She felt a whole new low hit her. She knew Hanna didn't want to talk about the past because it would end up hurting her a lot. But she talked about it anyways and it did hurt Hanna. It caused Hanna to walk away and all she could do was watch.

Of course she wanted to stop her.. But what would happen after that? Hanna was with Caleb and she was happy. She _knows _nothing would happen between them if she stopped Hanna right there. Plus, she knew Hanna needed a breather. She didn't know where Hanna was headed but she knew it was best to give her space at the moment with all the information from her point of view, two years ago when she cheated on Hanna. It hurt her. She brought pain to her.. _Again_.

"Hey," Spencer kneels next to her, with a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

She had that lump in her throat. That lump that hurts so much that she could barely get a word out without it bringing pain and causing hot water to drop from her eyes, so she didn't speak. She just shook her head, tucking and biting her bottom lip down.

"I don't.. I don't know what to do," She finally said something but with a change of voice. Her voice was shaky and quiet. "I want to be the one who stands by her side and make her happy but I can't do that when I'm the whole reason why I bring her pain." She stares into the fireplace, clenching her jaw.

"Em," Aria says softly, "You love her. You need to fight for her, by moving forward and not being stuck in the past. You fight for the things you love-"

"No." Spencer interrupts Aria, shaking her head. Emily turns her sight to her left where Spencer was sitting. She looked at the brunette with wide eyes, waiting for an explanation. "If you love her so much," Spencer starts slowly, hoping she wouldn't regret what she was going to say, "You need to let her go."

"What?" Aria said

"It's been two years. And yes Aria, you're right, they can't stay stuck in the past," Spencer turns her sight to Aria then back to Emily, "But she's not the only one getting hurt, you are too. If you want her to be happy, Emily, you need her to make her own choices without feeling any pressure."

Emily realizes that everything Spencer was right. She told herself before that she wanted Hanna to be happy, but she was the one who was holding that back.

"You're right," She sighs.

She thinks about it more and realizes to herself that she was awful, well at least that's what she's telling herself. Then, she stands back on her feet. She takes her dark blue hoodie off the couch and slips her feet in her Nike free runs.

"Where are you going?" Aria asks.

"Zack says that I could come anytime early for a small bonus." She said

"Right now?" Spencer scratches her head.

"I just need to get my mind off this," She said before walking towards the door. Ignoring the last things that Spencer and Aria said. She wasn't even sure what they said. Did they offer her a ride to work or breakfast? One of those.

Once she gets to the Brew she pours herself a cup of coffee. At this point of working here, Zack didn't mind at all. The coffee was strong. She hated strong dark coffee but just felt like she needed to keep herself up with an awful taste besides alcohol.

It's somewhere around 4 in the afternoon now, and Zack already her that's she could go home. He saw how tired or sad Emily looked and he felt like it was the right thing to do but she didn't want that. She wanted to stay and move around- just _do _something to get her mind off Hanna. She did a lot just to keep herself moving. She washed dishes, wiped tables, and even tried to cook pastries. (Which didn't work out at all, but hey she tried.)

Then the evening came where it was almost time for Zack to lock up or maybe lock up a little bit more earlier since most of their customers left.

"Fields, you can lock up for tonight," He throws her keys. She catches them with one hand and waves goodbye to her boss as he walks out the door. As he leaves, Hanna walks in. They immediately catch each other's eyes. She notices Hanna gulp.

"Hey," Hanna said walking over to the counter, standing on the opposite side where Emily stood.

"Hi," She could just feel the awkwardness float in the air. She remembers Spencer and her advice, putting Aria's to the side. So the least she felt like she could do was apologize. She had enough of herself of hurting Hanna. It was never her intentions to bring Hanna that feeling ever again."I'm sorry about-"

"Earlier when-"

They both say at the same time. Hanna curves her lips and gives a soft laugh. "You can go first," Hanna offers.

"I'm sorry.." She starts slowly, mainly because she was nervous. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was something I never wanted to repeat."

"It's okay, Emily."

She nods her head. "Where did you go after?" She asks, hoping to change to conversation.

"Um." Hanna's eyes wander around, "I kind of went to Caleb's."

"Oh."

"It was the first place I thought of going to. I didn't know what I was doing-" It sounded to Emily like Hanna was trying to explain herself after getting in trouble.

"Han." She cuts Hanna off. She didn't want an explanation for Hanna going to her _boyfriend_ for comfort or whatever she went for him for. "It's okay," She says. "I'm sorry for bringing you down earlier. I want you to be happy and in order for that to happen I shouldn't do anything that affects you and Caleb's relationship." This is it. This is her finally admitting or finally deciding to let Hanna go.

Oh and there's that painful lump in her throat again.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," Emily starts and gulps, hoping the lump would go away. "I need to let you go.." She continues causing a some change in Hanna's eyes. "Like you said, we'll find our place again one day, right?"

"Yeah," Hanna nodded.

Emily tries to put on a smile. She's good at hiding things so her broken smile looked real. Usually Hanna could tell, but this time she didn't know. "It's getting late, I have to lock up soon," She said.

"Yeah.. Right." Hanna nods again, back walking to the door. Emily faces her back away from Hanna to prevent herself from watching Hanna walk away. "Hey Em," Hanna said. Emily turns around and raises her eyebrows at her.

"That doesn't mean that we can't be friends anymore, right?" Hanna said, sounding like there's weight on her shoulders.

Emily walks over to Hanna with her pinky finger sticking out. "Friends. For real this time.. _Just _friends," She wasn't quite sure if she was convincing Hanna or herself or not.

Hanna locks her pinky finger with Emily's. "Okay." Hanna gives her a smile before walking out the door.

* * *

As the next couple of days go by, Hanna couldn't help herself but feel down. She couldn't tell why she felt like this and she keeps telling herself that there isn't anything to feel down for. Emily made that decision and it was right and mature thing to do.

So why was she feeling some disappointment?

_I shouldn't be feeling like this. This was the right choice_. She tells herself once more then gets up to make herself breakfast. Her phone buzzes on the kitchen table. She looks down at her screen and receives a text message.

**Emily: Okay are you dead? (12:43pm)**

She raises one eyebrow. Why would Emily be asking that?

**Hanna: why would I be dead (12:46pm)**

**Emily: you havent stopped by for your daily coffee in a while :/ (12:48pm)**

And it was true, Hanna hasn't been going out lately. She just decides to stay in her room and most times, Caleb would come over and they'd watch movies together.

**Hanna: I've just been feeling sick lately (12:50pm)**

**Hanna: I'll stop by later, make sure you have coffee ready then! (12:55pm)**

Emily hasn't replied, leaving Hanna feeling a little bored.

**Hanna: emily are YOU dead (1:05pm)**

She stares at her phone for a reply or at least the the little bubble that pops up where she knew that Emily was typing but then that goes away, making her wonder how Emily was doing at the moment.

**Hanna: emmmm (1:09pm)**

* * *

"Shit!" In the middle of typing, Emily drops her phone straight down into the coffee mug. "Great." She mutters to herself. Not only that she now has a broken phone, she had to remake somebody's espresso. The coffee was new and hot so she didn't take her phone out of the mug right away. She takes a stack of napkins, and pinches her phone out of the mug, burning her hand slightly.

"Careful," A familiar voice said from the other side of the counter.

She looks up and raises her eyebrows in surprise. "Maya?"

"I'm pretty sure I ordered that," The cocoa-colored girl said.

She chuckles. "I'm pretty sure I would've remembered-," In the middle of that sentence, she remembers she wasn't the one working the cashier today, it was her day to make and serve coffee and pastries. (Well not making the pastries, part.) "Actually.." She looks over to her coworker at the cashier.

"Yeah," Maya chuckles.

"How are you? And sorry about your coffee-"

"It's okay," Maya said, gradually. "Maybe you can buy me a cup to make up for it sometime?"

She gulps but smiles. _Maybe this is a sign. A sign to move forward?_

"Maybe."

"Okay," Maya said. "By the way, me coming here wasn't very coincidental."

"What do you mean?"

"I was in town for a while and the parties at Hollis are pretty great! Then I thought, maybe I should bring a old party friend?" Maya offers, reminding Emily that she would smoke pot with her all the time and have fun when they were together, in sophomore year before she was with Hanna.

"I'll think about it," She wasn't sure about going a party.. At all.

"Oh come on, Emily. It's summer! Have a little fun, why don't you?" Maya encourages, "Besides, what have you done this month?"

This month, _aka _the first month of summer. She really didn't do much but have sleepovers at Spencer's, work, and think about Hanna. _A lot._ Maya is right, she thinks. She needs to get out more or else she's just wasting her summer doing nothing exciting.

"Fine." Emily rolls her eyes playfully.

"Yay!" Maya cheers, "It's tonight at 8. Find Noel Kahn, he's the one hosting it. The party will be at some frat house near the college."

"Got it," She laughs because it was no surprise that Noel Kahn was the party host. She pours Maya a new cup, in a large size.

"I ordered small," Maya said.

"It's on me." She said, handing Maya the coffee. Maya smiles softly and thanks her before leaving.

* * *

"Em?" She heard Aria's voice on the other side of the door as she gets ready to the party in her grey v neck, blue ripped jeans and black boots.

"Come in," She says, ruffling her hair so her tight curls loosens.

The door slowly opens and Spencer and Aria walk into her room with a concerned expression on their faces. "Going somewhere?" Spencer asks, curiously.

"Got invited to a party near Hollis. What's up?" She looks up to them.

"We were just checking up on you," Aria said with a warm smile, "How are you?"

"Hanna and I are friends now, and every once in a while it hurts but hey, it's time move forward." She shakes in an accepting way.

"That's good, Em," Spencer reassures her.

Aria sits on the bed besides Emily. "Let me guess, Noel Kahn is throwing this party?" She said like it was nothing new.

"Ever since high school," She chuckles. "Maya invited me by the way," She mentions.

Spencer furrows her eyebrow, "The one who got you stoned most of Sophomore year?"

She nods as a reply. "Tonight I just want to have fun and be happy." It was nothing else she wanted at the moment. Just the thought of the bitter taste of alcohol with that burn when you drink it, comes along a happier person made her crave it,

"Do you want us to come just in case?" Aria offers.

"In case of what?"

"In case you need your best friends holding your hair up while you gag in a toilet." Spencer laughs. Emily smiles at the two, admiring that she has them in her life and that they didn't leave her at all.

"_Fine_," She gives in. "You two can come, but I don't want a chaperone."

"Want us to... Invite.. Hanna?" Aria said slowly and awkwardly.

"I think I need this night to not think about her," She sighs.

* * *

Once the three of them entered the frat house, there was many drunk and friendly guys greeting them.

"Welcome to Kahn Kingdom! Drinks are in the kitchen!" It was shirtless Noel with a crown on and #52 painted on his skin.

"Hottest. Chicks. Ever." Said that one basic stoner with a voice low and raspy voice who's also at every party.

It was the only two things they heard clearly, because of the loud music in the background. From across the room, she sees Maya. She didn't know what to do though, did she want to go up to her and get her a drink? Or did she just want to be in the kitchen giving herself a taste of freedom and stay in there the whole night?

No. She can't do that. Summer should be the best three months in your life when you're in school. She reminds herself that she didn't want to be stuck doing nothing and regretting that as she studies for an exam or final she'll have to take eventually when second year of college comes back on for her. She wants to have fun and what's in fun? Satisfaction.

"Well," Emily said, "Let's not waste summer." And with that, she walks over to Maya.

It started with a hello and then getting introduced to Maya's friend and next came the shots. Spencer and Aria were off socializing with old friends and making new ones, it was all going really well as they stayed longer.

Spencer's phone rings and it was an incoming call from Hanna.

"Hello?" Spencer was loud, she had to be because of the music in the background.

"Hey Spence, where are you, Aria, and Emily? I called their phone but I got nothing." Hanna said.

"Um we are at some frat party near Hollis," Spencer said as she turns her head to see where Emily was. Once she spotted her, she sees Emily taking body shots off of three different girls.

"Thank for the invite?"

"Sorry," Spencer said elbowing Aria.

"Hey, ow!" Aria said. Spencer points over at Emily's directions and Aria's eyes widen, but she grins.

"We assumed that you had a date with Caleb or something," Spencer said instead of telling her that Emily just didn't want to see her.

"Caleb started working night shift as an IT guy for a while in some big building," Hanna says, "Can I go over and crash the party and hang out with you guys? I'm pretty bored."

"Uh," Spencer looks over to Emily and notices that Emily was having such a great time hanging out with Maya, that maybe she won't notice Hanna. "Yeah, it's near Hollis. It's noticeable, the house has greek letters on it."

"Okay, thank you for saving me from boredom, Spence," Hanna said with a lighter voice.

* * *

Emily and Maya were beyond wasted after the group shots. "Let's dance!" Maya suggested, pulling Emily into the living room where the music took over any other sound there could be.

Before Emily makes her way in the dance floor, Maya stops her. "Here, take this." Maya said, handing Emily a tiny plastic sealed bag.

"What is it?" Emily shouted over the music.

"Let's just call it a 'Happy Little Pill'," Maya grins. At this point of the night, Emily was drunk but not drunk enough where she uncontrollable with her decisions. "Come on, it's not going to kill ya," Maya encourages, "I'll take one too." Maya takes the pill, throws it up, and catches it with her mouth.

Emily takes the circle shaped pill with a happy face carved on it. She looks around for Spencer and Aria, who weren't in sight. _Fuck it. _Her last thought before she swallows it. Maya takes a cup out of a random person's hand and give it to Emily. "Hey!" The person said, but leaves anyways. "Wash it down," Maya said.

Emily sips the drink from the solo cup, it was water. Once she turns around, she bumps in someone else, spilling the water all over them.

"Oh my- I'm so sorry!" Emily said.

The older looking girl with dark hair just brushed it off and laughs. "It's okay," The girl said. "If you weren't so pretty I would make a bigger reaction, though"

Emily smiles. "I'm Emily," She has her hand out.

"Talia." The older girl said, "You should call me after this party is over?" She takes a pen out of her pocket and takes Emily's arm, writing her number on it.

"Do you always have a pen in your back pocket?" Emily asks.

"In hopes to running into someone who I might take interest in," Talia smirks.

"You do this a lot?"

"This makes you my first." Talia winks before disappearing into the crowd.

* * *

Almost a half an hour goes by. It only took that long when Emily's head was spinning, but not in a way where you need to throw up, but in a way where you just want to keep it spinning. The music was her adrenaline. Her hands were thrown in the air, fist pumping along the beat of the music. For no reason she would just burst out laughing.

She felt like she floating, and since she had dance lessons when she was a kid, she was free styling in the middle of the dance floor where people circled her and cheered. "That's Emily Fields!" Some guys cheered.

Spencer furrows her eyebrows in full confusion but laughed along with Aria. Maya steps out the crowd, stealing another person's drink from their hands and giggles. "Spencer and Aria? Hello!" Maya greets at them while skipping towards them. "How are you guys?!" Maya said, very loud and excited.

"Good," Aria laughs. Spencer looks at her Maya's eyes and noticed how dilated they were and the ways Maya kept rubbing her hands together.

"Maya, are you on something?" Spencer asks.

"No!" Maya said, "I'm sorry I take that back. _Lying _is bad!" She giggles as she starts to walk away. "Emily took one too so don't be mad at just me!" Maya's voice fades.

Spencer and Aria look at each other at the same time with wide eyes. "I think you should get her-" In the middle of that sentence, Spencer's phone ring. "It's Hanna." She said to Aria, before answering.

"Hello?"

"Okay, I'm here, can you guys meet me outside or something so I won't feel weird looking around for you guys?" Hanna chuckles.

"Yeah.. Sure. Bye" Spencer said. She takes Aria with her and walk towards the door.

* * *

Emily has the urge to stand on top of something, anything. She wanted to feel superior, like a god or something. At the moment, the crowd was in love with her so they follow her into the kitchen where she climbs on top on the table in the center of the kitchen.

As she stood on top of it, she recognizes the song that was blasting.

_I won't I won't_

_I won't let you fade away!_

The beat was climbing up slowly then faster, getting ready for the bass drop. She looks around and smirks, feeling amazing, but feeling sweat hit her skin.

_I won't I won't_

_I won't let you fade away!_

"Let's get this party fucked up in here!" She shouts.

_I-I-I-I won't let you!_

_Screw this shirt, I have more at home! _She thinks to herself before taking it off and throwing it to the crowd, letting herself dance along with the beat of the music with just her black laced bra.

She jumps down the table and finds a blond, with her arms crossed standing in front of her. Everything was still spinning that she couldn't recognize the girl. "You have a lemon head," She says loudly to the blond.

"Shit, Emily are you on something?" The blonde said, looking into Emily's dilated eyes.

"I had this pill! It was happy and it was little!" Emily laughs cupping her own cheeks.

"Come with me," The blonde wraps her jacket around Emily bare arms, and takes her hand leading her outside.

Once they go outside, Emily instantly felt how cold it was and it made her scared. "Elsa is here." She mutters as she walks further outside, sitting on the floor with her legs and feet out for comfort.

The blond sits besides her and says, "Why did you take a pill? You would never do something like that."

"Maya said it was happy and I wanted to be happy," Emily grins, staring out to the night sky. "Everyone is so happy. Even Hanna, now I bet." She yawns.

"Emily, I'm Han- Oh forget it," Blondie said.

"I'm glad she's not here tonight," Emily slurs her words. "All I do is think about her and it makes my head hurt. But Spence said that if you love something you let it go. Pretty sure she learned that from someone really smart like Beyonce or something."

"God, Emily, I'm sorry that I'm- _She's _making you feel like this," The blond girl sound sorrowful. "Did you drive here?"

"No, Aria drove," Emily said, "How do you know my name?" Her vision was blurry and it looked like the blond had a twin through her eyes. She also started feeling a little dizzy.

"I'm taking you home." The blonde sighs.

* * *

The whole car ride home, Emily was just dancing along the music playing on the radio. Hanna didn't say anything because she didn't know what to say to begin with. Once they got to Emily's house, Hanna walks Emily to her room. She first had her hand around Emily's wrist in case Emily goes around the house jumping around, but Emily doesn't resist. Instead. she takes Hanna's hand and lines their fingers together,

Emily has no clue what she was doing right now, so she doesn't look to see the flushed face on Hanna's face. Hanna opens the door to Emily's room and sets her on the bed. "Be right back, I'll get you water," She said before going to the kitchen.

_Stop feeling like this. _She tells herself. Every time she's with Caleb, she forgets everything else and it did make her happy, but this feeling she has.. The feeling of wanting to explode and give in and just get lost in the moment when you know you can't is a feeling she hasn't ever picked up with him. But Emily, on the other hand, it's like she gets it all the time.

She gets a glass cup and fills it up with water before making her way back to Emily. As she walks up at the door frame, she sees Emily stripping clothes off. Hanna turns around quickly so she doesn't face Emily. "Hey Em, whatcha' doin?" She said nervously.

"My skin's on fire, blondie." Emily mutters. Hanna look over her shoulder and almost stares at Emily's perfect body.

"Um, you should get in bed. You know, sleep off the effects of the pill?" Hanna said, apprehensively.

Emily laughs and Hanna could just feel Emily getting close to her. Hanna turns around slowly and Emily was so close to her, that it made her heart beat so fast. "What if I don't want to sleep?" Emily said.

Hanna glances down at Emily's lips. She couldn't tell if Emily was leaning in or if Emily was just that close. She mentally slapped herself in the face and takes a few steps back, accidentally looking down examining Emily's half naked body right next to her. "Let's get you into some clothes," Hanna mumbles setting down the glass of water, walking passed Emily and going into the clothes drawer to find something for Emily to wear.

She finds a black _Dare _t-shirt and slim sweatpants for Emily. "Here," Hanna hands Emily the sweatpants. WIth a sigh, Emily takes it and puts it on. Then, Hanna hands Emily the shirt, which Emily clearly didn't want to wear because of the pout she had across her face. She sighs as well for herself and said, "Arms up,"

Emily raises her arms up high then Hanna puts the shirt over her head, along with her arms next. Emily gives Hanna a soft grin, which causes Hanna to have a tiny smile. She tried to hide the smile because she should be upset with Emily instead. She should be mad that Emily made bad choices and could of got hurt or lost or anything. "Come on," Hanna hold on the Emily's wrist and sets her down on the bed. Emily tries make herself comfortable in her own bed, before Hanna tucks her in with a blanket.

She gets the water that she had put down near Emily's dresser and she sets it near Emily's bed."There's water right here in case you need it," She said. Emily rests her face on her hands against the pillows, revealing numbers written on her skin. She stares at it longer and figure out it was someone's number. _Oh._ Why is she getting that painful empty feeling in her chest, suddenly?

"Um, call me in the morning and let me know if you're okay," She said, beginning to walk away towards the door.

"Wait," Emily mumbles with her eyes closed.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Her face softens and she lets herself smile. "Goodnight, Emily."

"Night blondie. You're really nice, you should call me sometime," Emily mutters before drifting away to sleep. Hanna rolls her eyes, feeling a burn on her cheeks, and leaves.

_What a night._

* * *

**Long chapter because I haven't updated in so long. Sorry for the late update I didn't mean to keep you guys hanging, it's just that school has been really busy and I have been through a lot the past couple of weeks. You guys should check out the song, Fade by Adventure Club and just imagine the part where I wrote Emily on the table, wasted.**

**I will do my best to update soon, I have plans for this don't worry about me getting into some writers block for this story at all! Please leave a comment or a review! By the way, Hannily is always going to be endgame. I just like making things tough and making them come a long way so you guys can enjoy reading their journey.**


	13. Note

**Hey guys! Sorry this isn't a chapter update.. I just wanted to let you guys know that I will get back to writing as soon as school is over and summer rises! One more week... Again sorry for the long story hiatus. If you guys like, you can leave suggestions or questions.**

**Thanks guys for all the reviews in the recent chapter!**


	14. waves (im slowly drifting)

_**(flashback set when Hanna and Emily were together)**_

_The water splashes and hits her face repeatedly, she accidentally tastes the water because of her smiles and laughter. "Em!" She slaps the water back at Emily. Emily continues splashing the water at Hanna with laughter as well and swims towards her._

_She tries to escape Emily but since Emily was a swimmer, she beats Hanna and trapped her to the corner of the pool._

_"Okay, you're a cheater." She flicks the water from her hands at Emily's face._

_"I'm just a better swimmer than you," Emily chuckles._

_She softens and smiles at Emily. They lean in for a kiss, but since they were floating water entered along the kiss. She backs her head away, "Ew."_

_"Yeah, I thought that was going to be cuter too." Emily said as she makes her way out of the pool and sits on the ground, with her feet in the water._

_Hanna follows and grabs a towel. She wraps the towel around her and Emily and rests her head on Emily's shoulder. "Do you think we can even be here late at night?" She asks._

_"Probably not."_

_"Then why do you always come here around night?"_

_Emily looks down at Hanna and she wonders that for herself too._

_"I like to come here to think. Swimming makes it easier to think and coming here at night makes it better. The stars and the moon shining the water as you're floating in it.. It's just relaxing and it makes me feel free."_

* * *

**(Hanna's pov)**

A wanderer. That's what she is. She wonders what life would of been if one thing didn't happen, things like, Emily hurting her. What if she stayed in Rosewood instead of leaving for so long? What if her heart stopped beating rapidly every time she's around Emily?

She tries her best to quietly close the door behind her so it won't wake Emily up. Words cannot explain how ready she was to go home and go to sleep. "Han?" She hears the voice of Aria's as she came down the stairs.

"Hey," She says, "I was just making sure she slept well." She points behind her facing Emily's room door.

"How is she?" Spencer asks, as she comes through the front door.

"Pretty drunk or high," Hanna scratches her head, "Maybe both."

The two exchanged looks and raised an eyebrow at each other. It was like a silent communication they were having, leaving Hanna just standing there confused. "What?" She speaks up.

"Nothing." Spencer said.

Hanan crosses her arms and glares at the two of them. "If you had something to say about me and Emily, you can say it." She didn't want her own friends hiding their thoughts on her and Emily.

"She still loves you, Han." Aria said slowly.

She stares down at the floor and nods. "I know." Of course she knows that. She just doesn't want to hear it. She thinks about it all the time and hearing it would just make her want to run away from the world. "I should go, I'm pretty tired anyways." She said, which wasn't fully an excuse just to leave, she really was tired. She walks right past them and makes her way towards her car.

"Do you think she still loves Em?" She hears Aria say.

"Hard to say," Spencer responded.

Another thought and wonder came into her head..

What if she just breaks down her walls and allows herself to be loved by Emily again?

* * *

The next morning she find the table counter full of bridal magazines and her mother looking stressed out on the seat. "Mom?" She said pointing at the table, "Are you and Ted getting married.. Again?"

"No, Han, I took a job from Jessica and she wanted me to help her host for a Bridal charity event." Ashley says as she takes a sip from her cup of coffee.

"So what's the problem?" She asks.

"I was supposed to look for models a week ago and the show is tonight," Ashley groans and buried her face in her hands.

She didn't want to see her mother stressed out about this so she goes ahead and says, "I'll do it," Even if she hates things like this.

"Thanks honey, but I need more than one model."

"Okay, I'll get Spencer, Em, and Aria to help too," She offers.

Ashley smiles. "That would be perfect. And I'll be right back. "

"Where are you going?"

"We are out of milk and eggs!"

* * *

**Emily's Pov (the next morning)**

Her head throbbed and pulsated along with that came a dry and scratchy throat. There was a glass of water on the drawer on the side of her bed. She drinks the water and for once water was really amazing. Then, she remembers that there was a blond helping her. A second later she realizes it was Hanna. She mentally slaps herself in the face and then buries her face in her pillows feeling nothing else now, but embarrassment. Last night was not so much of a blur, but she couldn't remember every detail. She rolls over to her side and notices a half smudged number written on her arm.

That she remembers.

The pretty older looking woman, who was probably only what three years older than her? Though, she didn't have a phone at the moment because she dropped it in coffee so she was going to have to buy a new one. The timer she had next to her bed read, 3:30pm and soon after that the doorbell rang downstairs. The one time her mother wasn't home people come knocking on the door. Oh, she wishes she could just stay in bed for a few more hours or days even.

She forces herself to get up, then pushes her messy hair out of her face to make herself at least a little presentable. Her head shakes as she makes her way downstairs to the door. Another knock hits the door and she can feel herself breaking down from tiredness. "Hold on!" She tries to say loud voice through the door but fails. As she opens the door she sees Spencer and Aria with a box of doughnuts.

"We thought you'd be hungry after last night," Spencer said, walking inside Emily's house, then setting the box of doughnut on the kitchen table.

"Thank you guys so much," She basically lunges herself towards to sugary dough.

"How are you feeling?" Aria asks.

"A little hungover, but I'll be okay."

"We came by to check on you and Hanna already took care of you well," Spencer adds, grabbing a coffee flavored doughnut from the box.

"Yeah I remember.." The first thing that comes to mind is the little strip she did in front of Hanna. She takes a bite of a doughnut, to hopefully cover the burn she felt on her cheeks. "Wait what is today?" Work popped up into her mind. God, she could be late right now for all she knows.

"Friday-"

"Oh shit I'm really late for work," Emily jumps up stairs to her room. She needs to get out of her pajamas as soon as possible.

"The Brew is closed for today!" Aria shouts from the bottom of the stairs.

"What?" She muffles because she was in the middle of taking her shirt off. She pulls her shirt back down and walks back down to her friends.

"I heard Zack got arrested for some harassment, we don't know for sure but Ezra is buying the place and so you have some work off while he remodels," Spencer said.

"How long?" She sounded nervous. She couldn't handle the thought of doing nothing. She needs to do something. Anything to keep her mind occupied from thinking and thinking. She had too much of that.

"Like two weeks, it's not that long," Aria said.

"Let's hope not." She sighs.

There was a buzzing coming from Spencer's pocket, it was her phone. Spencer takes it out of her pocket and answers, "Hello?.. Yeah.. Really?.. Fine, we'll be there." And that was that.

"What was that about?" Emily asks.

"Hanna called and she said we had to come over her house right away," Spencer said, "She used the 'SOS' saying and I guess now we have to go."

"Why?" Aria asks with a confused look.

"I don't know, something about wedding dresses," Spencer said as she makes her way towards the door. "Oh and Em," Spencer turns around.

"Yeah?"

"Make sure you brush your hair first," Spencer said. Emily rolls her eyes at Spencer.

"We'll be waiting in the car," Aria said as she follows Spencer out the door.

Emily stands still at the spot she was standing and scratches her head. Out of all days, now is the time where she has to do something? And wedding dresses? She was lost but if it was a favor Hanna was asking, she would drop everything and help. So she goes upstairs to her room, brushes her hair and even puts on a different shirt on.

* * *

"Wait, you want us to do what now?" Aria questions the blond in the kitchen where they always seem to have their conversations at whenever they were at Hanna's house.

"It will be a quick three hour event-"

"Quick?" Spencer cuts Hanna's voice off with a bitter chuckle.

"It's for charity!" Hanna tries to convince her friends more.

"Why do you need us to model?" Emily asks.

Hanna sighs. "My mom forgot to hire some models for Mrs. Dilaurentis charity show and she could lose the job if she doesn't have the models tonight."

The three girls exchanged looks. Emily would do anything to help out Hanna, even if she has a awful hangover, so she stepped up and said, "We'll do it."

An 8 mile came across Hanna's lips. "Okay I'm in too," Aria said.

They all turned to Spencer, who hasn't made a decision yet. "Fine. Only to help out your mom," Spencer said which causes Hanna to cheer a little.

"Great!" Hanna grins. "We have to get ready and get fitted in some dresses so we should head over there now."

"Now?" Emily crosses her arms.

"Yeah Han, Emily looks like crap." Aria points at the dark circles under Emily's eyes. Spencer laughs quietly and Emily just rolls her eyes.

"Maybe just a little makeup will save you," Hanna said and starts to walk towards her room. Emily follows her but Spencer and Aria stay behind. "We'll meet you guys over there," Aria said. And with that they leave out of the kitchen door.

"And then there's two," Emily mutters.

* * *

She sits on Hanna's bed, this is the first time in a long time ever stayed in this room. All the moments they shared in here are just sweet memories now.

"How are you feeling?" Hanna sits on the bed beside her with her legs folded together.

"Pretty awful actually," She chuckles. "I'm sorry about last night.. Don't worry about it happening ever again."

"No problem," Hanna said as she takes out a makeup brush and softly reaches over to Emily's face. The space between them was very apart, so she scoots over closer to Hanna.

She thinks she heard Hanna gulp but she wasn't sure. "Thank you," She softly says.

"For?"

"Putting me to sleep, having water by my side, and getting me down from that table-"

She get cut off by Hanna's laugh. By instinct she bites her the inner of her bottom lip down. The sound of Hanna's laugh was always her favorite thing to listen too.

"You're welcome.. And that was something Em," Hanna said as she finishes the any final touch up's on Emily's face. Hanna hands Emily mascara, which at first Emily groans towards at but she takes it anyways. She walks over to the mirror and sit in front of it, using the mascara brush and running it through her long eyelashes.

Once she finishes she sees Hanna going through a shoe box on the bed. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at old photos scattered around the box. "What's this?" She picks up one of them and it's a photo of the four of them at Spencer's lake house. She remembers that time, it was a hot spring break and they all decided to spend together.

"Old stuff I found while unpacking, I haven't looked through this stuff in so long," Hanna skims through the box with her hands slowly. "Remember this?" It was a old photo of who Hanna used to be and Emily before they dated. It was back to her 'Hefty' Hanna days.

Emily takes the photo and smiles softly at it. She had her arm hanging down from Hanna's neck and smiles hard. It brought a nostalgic feeling in her. The doorbell rings downstairs and Hanna jumps off her bed to get it. "You can look around the box if you want," Hanna said walking out the door.

"Okay," She nods. She sees a thin gold chain at the bottom of the box on a white paper. As she takes it out to view it for herself she recognizes it. The cold chain wraps around her hand and to the end of it, where she holds with her fingertips is engraved, "H.M + E.F" Her heart warmed. It was the christmas gift that she gave Hanna and then after that they had their first time for each other together. A moment she could never forget, basically. She was also surprised that Hanna even still had it. She remembers the smile on Hanna's face when she gave it to her too, it was beautiful.

At the bottom of the box, she looks again to see the paper. The crumpled folded paper which had the necklace rested on top of it. She opens it and read the first line in her head, "Dear Em," This is a letter?

"Hey Em!" She hears Hanna yell from the bottom of the stairs it sound. She digs the letter in her pocket and puts the necklace back in the box.

"Yeah?" She walks down stairs to see what was going on.

"My mom came home with some groceries can you help out for a second? I said she was only going to get milk and eggs but I guess she's making pasta and other stuff," Hanna chuckles softly with arms full of grocery bags.

"Yeah, of course," She makes her way to the front door.

* * *

"Okay.. 1..2..3!" Spencer counts down and all of them comes out the dressing stall at once. They all smile and stare at each other, each and every one of them is speechless.

"Wow, I would make a hot bride right?" Hanna smirks.

"This is really tight," Spencer says while trying to make the dress more comfortable by pushing the sides of it higher.

"I know," Aria said.

"Spencer!" Ashley calls from the other side of the room, "You're the first one up. Aria, You're after!"

"I'm going to get ready," Spencer sighs.

"Right behind you." Aria laughs. The two leave to the mirrors, leaving Hanna and Emily alone. Hanna looks at Emily at smiles at her, all out of instinct. But she bites her inner lip down and tried to hide smile.

"What do you think?" Hanna smiles widely as she twirls in the dress. What doesn't Emily think should be the question. She was blown away. Hanna looked beautiful in so many ways it hurt because she couldn't just grab Hanna's face and kiss it. She wished she could though, but a dark thought came across her head. What if one day Hanna was going to walk down the aisle with Caleb? She envied Caleb for that. He had Hanna's heart and she didn't. "Em?" Hanna waves her hand in front of Emily's face.

"Sorry," Emily snaps out of her thoughts.

"So?" Hanna looks down at the dress and back at Emily.

She sees the way Hanna's hair fell carelessly on her shoulders and how much the white colored dress complimented her blue eyes. Her mouth opens and she says, "You look beautiful." Though in her thoughts she knows Hanna was more than that. Her eyes gazes Hanna's and the blond stares back. And for what had felt like an eternity breaks down as a cough entered the room.

"Hey," It's Caleb.

"Oh, hey!" Hanna turns to Caleb, breaking her longing gaze with Emily, and greets him with a kiss on the cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"You weren't answering your phone, so I called your mom- And wow you look.." He sounded like he didn't have the words to explain it.

"I'm going to go, I think I might of heard your mom call for me," Truth is, Emily just couldn't stand being in a room alone with them two at all.

* * *

***at the end of the day***

Her feet makes small waves as she sits on the edge of the pool. She still comes here most nights, only to think and enjoy the way the water calms her like it always has. The sun had already went down and her only light was the moon and the stars shining around it.

Thoughts take over her head and images of Hanna walking down the runway flash in her mind. The letter she took from the shoebox earlier was folded in her pocket. Deep down she feels guilty for taking it. Maybe Hanna was going to give it to her eventually or maybe Hanna didn't want her to find it at all. But the curiosity takes over and she reaches in her pocket for the paper.

Hesitantly, she unfolds it.

_"Dear Em,_

/

Here we go.

/

_It's been a whole year since I had left.. I still think about you. Almost everyday. It hurts because you're probably not thinking about me at all since you might be with Ali now. I had dream about you last night, it's been awhile since that happened. It was the same thing.. It was that night where I caught you.._

_I shouldn't even call it a dream._

_It was a nightmare._

/

Her stomach turned and her chest sunk. She recalls the night Hanna jolted from some dream at Spencer's house. Hanna had a nightmare about that night. The pain she caused became Hanna's nightmare.

/

_Crazy how I can see you even if my eyes are closed. But what keeps me up at most nights are the actual dreams. God, they feel so real to me. Your lips softly pressed against the corners of my lips repeatedly. Your hands held mine tight and later your arms wrap around my waist. The feeling kept me safe._

/

She wishes she could hold Hanna like that right now.

/

_It hurt so much that you didn't care what I would think. I don't even know how it's possible that I still care after all this time._

_You're my weakness._

_I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about you because I'm in love with the thought of you. The thought of your head resting on top of my lap, or your hand gripping my knee every time you were excited about something- just everything about you._

/

Her jaw clenched.

/

_I hate that you broke us. I hate the way I thought we were going to together forever. I hate the way you smile because I can never get that imagine out of my head._

_But I don't think I'll ever hate you._

_I miss you so much._

_And writing this is useless."_

Teardrops stain the bottom on the crumpled letter. Her hands were shaky but she manages to fold the letter and puts it back in her jacket pocket. She takes her feet out of the water and hugs her knees tightly. "Fuck!" She curses loudly as hot tears comes watering down her eyes.

Softly, she cries a little longer with her forehead against her knees. When she opens her eyes, she stares at the water. The dark blue water with a reflection of glowing stars. A sigh escapes her lips.

Only if she could start over.

* * *

**Thank you for reading this chapter, make sure to leave a review! And I'm so sorry for updating in the middle of the summer when I said the beginning, I had been caught up with things and had writers block. Btw if the end is confusing, the **_italics_ **text is the letter and the **normal text **is Emily reading it.**

**And to the guest that called me a slut and a fake hannily shipper because of the way I write the story: I never laughed so hard before oh my god *inserts laughing emoji 20x* :-)**


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